Does a Law on Human Relationship Attraction Exist?
March 15th, 2010 | by admin |
“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people?
“In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them.
Scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by:
- The women’s ovulation period
- The food that men eat
- Perfumes and other scented body products
- And lastly the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself?
Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
Joshua Uebergang
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/does-a-law-on-human-relationship-attraction-exist-91159.html
16 Responses to “Does a Law on Human Relationship Attraction Exist?”
By Dive Into A Holy River on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Does love really exist?
Most people nowadays cannot differentiate between "infatuation" and "love." Even back in the day, women were betrothed and forced into marriage, not because of love, to keep peace in the world. Now everyone is looking for a life-long partner that they romantically love. In human history, people married for peace, children, etc..but never ever was it for love because no body loved eachother in that way. They were sexually attracted to them (hence having children and heirs/heiresses) but it wasn’t for love, because what did they have to love eachother for, nothing but the fact that the person was handsome. Does romantic love (that is not an infatuation with the person) even exist?
You see 2 people, you have great conversations with each, one is a friend, but one you "love", why would someone SPECIFICALLY love a certain person unless it was because they were sexually attracted to them? This "lover" you also have great conversations with, just like any other FRIEND. But, what makes them more than a friend…common interests between 2 people cannot spark romantic love because that’s what sparks a "best-friendship"…but what sparks a romantic interest is the fact that you are sexually attracted to them.
Isn’t being sexually attracted to the person the same thing as infatuation? It is only an obsession with their appearance, but what keeps you around is their personality…which without their appearance, you would only be their best friend because you guys have such common interests.
Teenagers/young adults typically have short spurts of relationships, because most of the time it is based on something that is not concrete such as appearance and flattery. But are not all relationships based on this? Because without those 2 things, the person would truly only be like one of your best friends….but that’s not love,that’s called infatuation with that person. But that would also mean that actual romantic love does not exist, because all it truly is, is infatuation and obsession with the person because of a sexual attraction. The only love that exists is for friends and family, in a non-sexual way.
Does true, romantic love (that is not infatuation with the person) exist at all? Explain this to me.
By the way, sorry if this is a bit confusing or if maybe I come off as ignorant, I was only thinking about this and that’s why I’m asking here.
Also, I’m 15 so I have yet to be in so-called "love"
By nightmusic on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
You can be sexually attracted to a person and also love them as a person. And sexual attraction is not just based on looks. It’s also based on emotional connection and personality. So yes, there is such a thing as love.
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By Mr.Pueblo on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Love is simply an emotion that is used by some to describe a strong desire to engage in an act (or acts) from which you expect to find happiness. Love is selfish as are all emotions, because you expect to find happiness, joy, satisfaction out of something or someone. As to whether or not romantic love exists, it really depends on the person and what their thoughts are regarding it.
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By masterorbiter on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
i think it exists, but its rare, ive never been in "love"
even if it is found, it may not be forever, life is always changing
im the kind of person who could love someone, but its up to both people in the relationship, and with the fact that theres always someone else, things change
hope u find someone
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By oldmanwithcoyote on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Your question is neither confusing nor ignorant.
This characteristic called love is, in my opinion,
one of the primary components which make up
the sum total of all traits involved in propagating
our species. After all is said and done, that’s our
primary purpose. There may be other factors
above propagation that are involved, but I
don’t know what they might be.
Love is one of those things which it is probably
better to enjoy than analyze.
I’m not saying that you should not analyze it,
I’m simply saying that its difficult to define.
Excellent question.
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By I Am Above The Law on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Infatuation is a part of love, love as a temporary emotional high. However this is not the love that a long-lasting relationship ought to be based upon.
True love is an unbreakable bond between two people. It is not based upon emotion or attraction. This bond is what keeps couples together for 40+ years. People nowadays don’t allow their love to develop from a simple emotion to a bond, that is why more than 50 percent of marriages toady are bound for divorce.
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By Trilliana on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Hi,
Usually, infatuation is temporary and love is as permanent as a human can make it. There is nothing wrong with a relationship starting out as infatuation because this is what keeps the relationship interesting. However, infatuation wears off when those things that grow into love start manifesting. Things like loyalty, respect, commitment, etc. A person who is simply infatuated will shy away from those. Whereas, a person who is in love will thrive on them. True love is when both people commit to being loyal, respectful, grateful for and to one another. They don’t take each other for granted, they keep the element of surprise/unexpected alive, they talk about their feelings honestly, they do things for/anticipate each other’s needs and they feel infatuated with each other. When you have all these things in a relationship, sex will happen naturally. When you are merely "in love" you will probably be in the infatuated stage, when you are "loved," you will know it! Best Wishes!
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Experience.
By Darth on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Yes, it exists. I have been married to My Wife for 18 years now. I’ll love her till the stars burn out, I’d die for her.
Love is a horribly complicated thing to explain. It can be so many different things to everyone, and everyone’s emotions work differently. Sexual attraction is part but definitely not all of it. It’s certainly not the only reason I love My Wife, I also love her for her personality, and just for all of what she is. In the beginning a romantic relationship might be based on chemistry, attraction, and as You say flattery but if it lasts a long time it grows into way more that that, it grows into two people becoming spiritually one.
Love for Your Parent, siblings, children, family is more based on things like loyalty, long association, and mutual kindness and support.
Hope My meandering ramblings were of some small help.
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By ►ßяטсє ℓәә◄ on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Love exists, but sometimes people get so possessive that their love gets short lived
Before marriage or relationship, they liked whatever each other had but they get so insecure and possessive that they start to doubt each others integrity
So flexibility in relationship is very important
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By Ayra Judelle on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Yes. Love exists.
* Just remember:
If you are attracted to the opposite sex for only 4 months, it is only infatuation. Then if takes years, it is love. (((:
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By Adam on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
First of all, I think there’s different kinds of love. There’s friendship love and I know that’s not really what your talking about but I swear I’m going to make a point here haha. and I think most people experience friendship love pretty quickly. I know I love my best friend very much (My best friend is a girl so I swear that’s not weird of me to say). But, I think that love when it’s couple love has to be a combination of friendship love and romantic love. Cause basically, in my opinion, friendship love is couple love without the sexualness and things like that. The thing that makes that complicated is that it has to be felt by both people.
If someone is only sexually attracted to someone then it will always be only an infatuation. But, if they have that right combination of loving them sexually and loving them on the inside too then it could possibly turn into love. Not definitely turn into love, but definitely has a higher probability.
I definitely do think true love exists. I don’t know, I may be an idealist but I really think (and hope) that I will find that one true girl that I love. I think that one day I will find that one girl who I really connect to emotionally and sexually. Although, even though I said before someone does have to find another person sexually appealing, for me, I don’t think that’s the most important thing by any stretch of the imagination. Although I think every person has to find the person they love somewhat attractive, I think connecting to someone emotionally is way more important and pretty much the most important thing in a relationship.
Good question!
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By ¿Alex? on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
Same position as you are.
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By Dr weasel on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
This is one of those questions that can take a lifetime to fully explore.
Love is felt by children for their mothers. It is the same love that lovers feel for each other as love is a spiritual connection with another.
Inside every adult, is the same child that once roamed the playground. That same spirit that loved having friends for the way it make them feel, and protected that with fierce loyalty because they were as friends, connected for life. Bonded together with love. two boys who played ball in the park now race cars or go fishing as old men.
Between a man and a woman in marriage, that bond goes deeper that any other due to the depth of the connection. That one partner who you trust inside you with the most delicate parts of your mind and soul. That person you chose to make a home with. This connection is more complex, but The love is still the same thing, just stronger.
Love does not exclusively exist in the category of emotion as infatuation does. Love is also a virtue, being a gift and a decision of giving. Love for your nation is love given and not always received. Love for your children is not for you but for them. It is a giving thing.
Infatuation is a getting thing. Love does not seek for itself.
Love does exist. Without it Humanity would have no hope at all. Every virtue must contain it to be a virtue. Connection cannot be had without it. Being disconnected makes it too easy to judge others and make negative and distructive comments. bad for love. Bad for mankind. marraiges collaps when they become disconnected. When people step away from ethical behaviour they disconnect from others.
Dangerous thing that. Causes wars and hurts and all form of disease.
every friend you have lost leaves a hole. The longer you walked with them, the bigger the hole. Your Lifes love could be anyone who you can share your values, honor your trust and is willing to connect on a deep level. Walking together in that love makes it stronger.
Marraige is a commiittment we make to eachother and society to be with eachother like their own flesh. This makes a protective circle called a family where children are safe to be raised. It keeps the participants safe from diseases by committing to each other and no others. Mairraige is a protecive agreement made before society and to each other. It does not have anything to do with love. If you dont bring it with you, it won’t be there.
A note on romantic love, We share a variety of romantic ideas with our friends. Every thing from enjoying nature or sports or games and hobbies to life long passions like our peculiar fields of interest like space exploration or archeology or such. But one passion we share only with our chosen life partner. That passion shared between lovers is so delicate and deep and dangerous that we must choose carefully only one freind. What grows from this is as sacred as our own souls. It has the ability to scar us in irreperable ways. We know this intrinsicly, so many people try to do this half way to keep from investing themselves too much, lest they die. Silly really, it never works. You are either in all the way or you are not. If you are not, then it never happens. And Lord help those who do.
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By Nancy D - soon to be Nancy G on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
True love exists. I believe in the importance of love and what it brings to my life. Of course, love begins with infatuation, but it deepens and becomes a desire to share all of your life, the good, the mundane and of course, life’s pains with that person first and foremost.
What makes it different from a best friend is that desire to be with them no matter what. Passion plays a role in love of course, because a relationship that is devoid of passion will die.
In my relationship, I feel a need to share with him my successes as well as my failures. He is the first to know my exam scores, and I am the first to know when he has a good or bad day. Love is what shelters us in our times of crisis, and can make us even happier when things are going well.
The difference between love and infatuation to me is commitment. Love leads you to that next level – engagement, marriage whatever. Whereas with mere infatuation, if one party wants the relationship to deepen and the other does not, that spells the unfortunate end of that relationship.
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By ron-johns * on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
I am waiting for the day and the man that I will share true love with. I totally understand the "lust" and "infatuation" points. There is a difference. I can’t wait to experience real love with someone. Someone who I will love unconditionally and with every inch of my heart, and who will love me the same. So to answer your question yes, of course, love does exist… but LOVE IS PATIENT.
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By deaddolly on Mar 15, 2010 | Reply
i think it comes along, but ppl are very lucky when it lasts forever.
you’re very smart to know the difference at so young an age.
i’ve never been in real ‘love’. can’t say i missed out and am no longer interested.
I found out my mom never loved my dad after 30 some years of marriage — that was really sad, for them both.
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