February is perfect for cuddling, with the cold weather and longer nights. No wonder it’s known as the month for romance. But, as a member of the Sandwich Generation, does caring for your growing children and aging parents make you too tired to bring Cupid back into your intimate relationship?

Lucy was on the fast track at work and active in her family life, having three teenagers and parents who were declining. Her interest in romance was waning and she was devastated by changes in her body and her psyche. “I have totally lost my libido and I feel as dry as the Sahara desert. In the past, I had been happily led around by my active sex drive – it has been my life force for so long. Now, I have lost my ballast and my identity. I want to have those feelings again.”

Difficulties with intimacy may be affecting your partnership and, more likely, difficulties in your marriage may be interfering with your sexual relationship. If there are situations in your life that preoccupy your thoughts and are stressful for you, these can also affect your desires for intimacy. Begin to deal with them directly so that they do not spill over into your sex life.

1. Examine your relationship with your significant other. Are you satisfied with the intimacy? How is your communication? How do you both manage anger? Discuss the issues that are causing problems rather than withdrawing from each other. Don’t use intimacy as a bargaining tool when there is unresolved resentment in your marriage.

2. Schedule a date night alone with your partner. Remember how your heart used to skip a beat when you happily thought about your next evening together? Recreate some of that excitement and mystery now. Take turns planning an activity that will remind you both of why you fell in love.

3. Focus on creating new kinds of intimacy. If your children now live away from home, you have more time and energy to devote to each other and to bring you closer together. Develop or rekindle affection, closeness and romance. Many women find that this can be enormously satisfying in a different way. Fay, an elementary school teacher, has grown to value the companionship in her relationship. “We enjoy rubbing each other’s back, reading together in front of the fire, sharing funny stories about our grandchildren. Who would have thought that would feel intimate.”

4. Work with your health professional to rule out physical conditions or the side effects of prescriptions that could be contributing to a decrease in your libido. Talk to your internist or gynecologist about remedies – lubricants as well as prescription medications or creams.

5. Explore techniques of expression that may be new to your relationship. Try different positions for your lovemaking. Studies have shown that an active sex life slows the aging process so your effort will be doubly rewarded. With their son away at college, Joy felt emotionally closer to her husband than ever before. “With the house to ourselves we feel less stressed, more carefree, less inhibited and make love more often.”

6. Enjoy your sensuality. Have fun with it. Learn about exercises in “sensate focus” as you discover new ways to explore your body. Energy level, body image, physical limitations and the quality of the relationship all play a part in feelings of sensuality and intimacy.

Be patient and take small steps toward feeling emotionally satisfied. Allow yourself the pleasure of slowly learning more and more about your partner, even now. For Lisa and her partner, buying a motorcycle and riding together on weekends was one way of rekindling the excitement in their marriage. “What a thrill! I love it all – the speed of the ride, the wind in my hair, the physical closeness, even being the chick on the back of the bike.”
(c) Her Mentor Center, 2007

Rosemary Lichtman
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/how-to-create-more-intimacy-with-your-valentine-103402.html

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Does penis advantage or ejaculationtrainer really work?

It is amazing the number of couples that allow the intimate side of their relationship slide. Loss of intimacy is one of those common marriage problems that eat away at the very foundation of a marriage turning what was once a loving and fulfilling relationship into nothing more than a shell.

The excuses are all too common, just too busy at work, the children are too demanding, we don’t have time or it’s just temporary to name but a few. With such easy excuses slipping off the tongue it’s just an open door for a myriad of marriage problems to take hold.

Like most common marriage problems if you are prepared to make an effort loss of intimacy in a marriage is relatively easy to resolve but the further apart you allow yourselves to grow the harder it is to get that marriage back on track.

It’s so easy just to say we don’t have the same feelings anymore and assume that the time has come to draw the line but what about if you just take a step back and attack loss of intimacy in the same way you should handle any common marriage problem. Look at marriage issues as something to be resolved, a minor setback in life and not the end of the journey.

We all face problems at work, with the children and with the family but work problems we handle, children issues we sort out and look how far we have to be pushed before we even consider disowning our family. Why is it then so common for marriages to split up over a few solvable problems?

If we are prepared to make an effort with every other aspect of our lives why do so many couples just fall at the first hurdle? You can’t say that living with someone is something we aren’t generally used to, after all we have to make allowances for others and cope with family differences as we grow up. What makes couple so what makes couples so blinkered, unbending and uncaring?

So many people loose site of their marriage vows, forget the bit about for better or for worse and assume that as soon as the ring goes on their finger that their work is done. Marriage is never easy almost every marriage has its ups and downs and letting the intimate part of the marriage slide is quite a common marriage problem. The couples that come out on top are those that recognise their failings, accept that some work needs to be done and refocus their attentions on what really matters.

To make a marriage work you need that special relationship time, people need to feel valued, respected, loved and that they are the most important thing in your life. You partner needs attention, the odd little gift, the kiss hello and goodbye, the fleeting caress and a cuddle at the end of the day. Never loose site of what is important and if you’ve been sidetracked, which is a common thing to do, now is the time to take stock, sort out any marriage problems and get back on the right track. You make time for everything else in your life so don’t become complacent with what matters most, your partner and your marriage.

Terry Ross
http://www.articlesbase.com/automotive-articles/common-marriage-problems-loss-of-intimacy-56446.html

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Cheap Nitro RC cars – Cheap 10ft Trampoline

Grab the chance to enjoy this bi-annual event at one of the best-kept secrets of Negeri Sembilan. Avillion Port Dickson offers its Garden Chalet for RM320++ during weekdays (Sunday to Thursday), RM390++ during weekends (Friday and Saturday) and RM490++ during peak periods such as public holidays. This chalet provides a refreshing garden mood for those who adore being around nature. It is equipped with its own private balcony, a bathroom and a bedroom separated by a sliding door and a romantic four-poster bed swathed with soft drapes, which sets the mood for intimacy.

For those who want to be closer to the sea, the Water Chalet is available for RM370++ during weekdays (Sunday to Thursday), RM430++ during weekends (Friday and Saturday) and RM550++ during peak periods. This special chalet stands on stilts above water and offers a great view of the sea and the sunset. The Premium Water Chalet, which is like the Water Chalet, offers a view of the Malacca Straits and can be booked for RM420++ on weekdays, RM490++ during weekends and RM630++ during special holidays. These rates are available from 1 – 31 March 2009.

ManLuz
http://www.articlesbase.com/travel-articles/enjoy-the-annual-raptor-watch-at-avillion-port-dickson-733194.html

Scott works long hours and Beth often feels lonely. She seems to spend her entire life meeting the needs of the kids and then Scott feels she doesn’t have time for him. This relationship looks like it’s doomed. Can it be saved? Should they even try to save it? Here’s a few tips on how to save a relationship.

Step 1. You must both decide that you want to save the relationship. Most relationships can be saved with hard work, but you must both want it to work. If one of you has decided enough is enough then there is little that you can do to repair it.

Lots of people will soldier on in a relationship simply because of the kids. Or because it’s routine and convenient for them. This isn’t enough in the long term. If you want to learn how to save a relationship, then you need agreement by both of you that it is indeed worth saving.

Step 2. You must identify the problem or problems in your relationship. A major problem in how to save a relationship is that you tend to think the symptoms of the problem are the actual problem.

Many people think an affair is a problem that will cause a break up. But often times an affair is a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. Lack of real intimacy can often lead to a partner cheating. Most people will see the act of cheating as the problem where the real culprit is the lack of intimacy. Even if you can stop the cheating, say through the use of guilt, you may end up with another problem (internet porn for instance) because you haven’t dealt with the actual problem of a lack of intimacy.

When you face and fix the actual problems, and not the symptoms. You can save a relationship from disaster.

Step 3. When you indentify your problems, you can both share your views. This means both expressing your own views and listening to your partners concerns. If you can be close and maybe hold hands while discussing your problems you are giving your partner a signal that you want to connect, even if your emotions are running a bit wild. If your partner says something upsetting, don’t start a fight but remember they are saying this because they care and want to improve your overall relationship.

Step 4. Once you have both discussed the problems then it’s time to make a plan of action to help solve them. Then be sure to take firm steps on your plan of action. If you aren’t spending enough time together, plan one night a week when you can be together, and if possible without distraction. Try to be creative in ways to spend some time together.  If communicating is one of the problems then agree to talk to each other for 10 or 15 minutes before you go to bed. And make sure you stick to it.

Step 5. Finally, realize that to save a relationship isn’t a one time thing. It is ongoing all the time. If the relationship isn’t growing it will start to fail. Realise you will have a few setbacks. It may seem like a few steps forward and one step back. There are going to be great times going forward but also the odd tear will be shed. If you can apologize quickly and hold your tongue when you want to blame you can’t fail to be a better person, and your relationship will grow.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, the tips in this article will give you a kick start. The rest is up to you

Alex Anders
http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-save-a-relationship-in-5-steps-740635.html

You are here because you are wondering how to save a relationship, your relationship. Maybe one or both of you works long hours. Maybe one or both of you feels neglected. Maybe infidelity is involved. No matter, the question is how to save the relationship. Here are 5 important steps on how to save your relationship…

Step 1 – Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

The first thing you must do is figure out if your relationship is really worth saving. Now, it is true that nearly every relationship can be saved with hard work and commitment from both parties in the relationship. But, both parties must be committed to make it work. If one does not commit to it, then there is little that can be done to save the relationship. And many couples stay in a relationship because it is convenient / easier to do, or, stay because of the children.

How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is really worth saving and not just for the children (although this is important) or convenience sake.

Step 2 – Identify The Root Problem(s) In Your Relationship

Next, you must figure out the problem(s) in your relationship. And I mean the root problem, not the symptom(s). One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people generally mistake the symptoms of the problem for the problem itself. For example, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes break ups. But the affair is a usually a symptom of a deeper problem.

For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying partner, who otherwise might not have strayed. While most people look at the ‘affair’ as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is the ‘lack of intimacy‘ in the primary relationship. True, you might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of ‘guilt’, but another problem could occur simply because you have not dealt with the root problem, the lack of intimacy.

This is only one example, but when you start to deal with the root problems in your relationship and not the symptoms, then your relationship can be saved.

Step 3 – Communicate Effectively 

Having pinpointed the root problem(s), you should now be in a much better position to begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means listening to your partner’s concerns, as well as verbalizing your own feelings and concerns. You can hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are all over the place.

And remember that, when your partner says things that may hurt you, they are not doing it to hurt you, but because they want to improve your relationship. This is a very important part of the healing process, so keep your head and do not let your emotions run away with you.

Step 4 – Create An Action Plan

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an agreed actionable plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you do not spend time together like you used to do, then arrange one night a week for example. And take turns coming up with creative ways to spend that evening together over the weeks. If it is not possible at this stage to spend an evening together, then agree to commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.

Step 5 – Accept That Saving A Relationship Is An Ongoing Process

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. And be patient.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Now, if you are still certain that you want to save your relationship then go here http://how-to-get-your-ex-back-using-magic.blogspot.com where you will get more free advice on video and some important info. on more advanced techniques on how to save your relationship.

W. Miller
http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-save-a-relationship-5-steps-to-save-your-relationship-727057.html

During the moments of intimacy, often rules and barriers are forgotten to passion.

However, when these moments are over, there are some very special actions that should be taken, if nothing more than for the sake of politeness. This is called, after sex etiquette.

A Difference in Men and Women

After an orgasm, or a sexual encounter, a man will come down to his normal levels of breathing, heart beat, and hormones very quickly.

A woman however, will return to hers very much slower. For a woman, the lovemaking session ends far later than it does for a man. In fact, even if the woman had experienced an orgasm, she could, at some additional stimulation, reach quickly another orgasm.

With this in mind, the man must (and indeed the woman as well) follow the basic rules of after sex etiquette.

The Four Big Donts

After sex, it is advisable not to:

1. Jump immediately up and run to the bathroom, leaving your partner alone during the cooling off period

2. Turn to one side of the bed and immediately sleep

3. Make any sarcastic or joking remarks about the previous moments

4. Check your mobile phone for messages or missed calls

Doing any of the four actions above immediately after sex shows an overall lack of sensitivity, manners, and good judgment.

Certainly the Golden Rule comes to mind here, as much as in any situation, but one of such close intimacy requires thinking less of yourself and more to the other person.

After Sex Etiquette

When the climax is reached and ended, do not rush to do anything but stay close to your partner.

You can softly mention how much you enjoyed what was done, and how good you now feel. Even if its necessary, wait a few moments before leaving the bed for the bathroom. Maintain body contact.

If its evening and you are very tired, do not immediately turn to sleep.

Enjoy more intimacy by embracing your partner and give (and receive) more mutual caresses.

Refrain from any humor that can be misinterpreted. Keep your comments simple, use terms of endearment (even if you really don’t mean them…but create the impression of caring and loving), and do not try to be clever.

After the moments of such closeness, it is not the time nor place.

Forget for a while your mobile phone. It might have been ringing during your intimacy, and there may indeed be messages and records of missed calls. It can wait for 15 to 30 minutes more.

These simple rules will show not only your good manners, but also that you are sensitive to your partner’s needs and feelings.

On Continuing

Should your session of intimacy have the chance of continuing, these rules will aid to fulfilling that chance.

Not only that, but your good after sex etiquette can insure that chance can turn into something more spectacular than the previous session.

Remember well the old maximum that manners make the man (or woman). Nothing could be more appropriate than in after sex etiquette.

Sacha Tarkovsky
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/after-sex-etiquette-for-better-sex-96173.html

Many women in urban areas have been liberated sexually, but the more they are getting comfortable with their own sexuality, the more their marriages are suffering in the area of sexual relating. Repressed urges and coy responses in women are being replaced by total acceptance of one’s sexual feelings and open and bold expression of the same. One would have thought that men, who, for the longest period of time, complained about not having an exciting enough sex life at home and therefore sought it outside, would have been thrilled with the wife being a bold and active sexual partner, but unfortunately that is not always the case.

Normal heterosexual men are getting increasingly uncomfortable with the sexually liberated woman. Many so-called metrosexual men, who talk of equality of men and women, and say that they welcome the active participation of women in sexual relating, make the statement conditionally. What they mean is that they enjoy the active participation of the woman as long as it does not make them(the men) move out of their comfort zones. Which means that when the woman experiences an urge and initiates sex, if the man is not feeling like it of his own accord, he wants the liberty and comfort of turning down the advances if he so chooses, without being questioned or cajoled into responding. The bottom line is, that he wants the remote control in his hand at all times, and if he does not have it, there can be problems in the marriage!

MR NICE GUY NEEDS COMFORT

This happens because of the upbringing and conditioning of such men because of which they have two contradictory needs – the need to be seen as Mr Nice Guy and the need to remain a spoilt brat at all times in their comfort zones. The ‘Mr Nice Guy’ says men and women have equal urges and equal rights to express the same, as his belief is that he ‘must be viewed as a good guy’. The ’spoilt brat’ says that sex should happen when he feels like it and the way he feels like it, as his belief is that he ‘must be made comfortable at all times’.

Such men come across as ‘considerate lovers’ whenever they initiate sex, but if they decide that they do not feel like having sex with their partner for whatever reason, they can be the most ‘insensitive partners’, turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the sexual urges of the partner, while they continue to be ‘caring men’ in terms of being supportive and helpful in other areas of life which helps them retain the title of ‘Mr Nice Guy.’ The ‘blow hot blow cold’ attitude of such men, can leave sexually liberated women not only unfulfilled, but also confused, concerned, hurt and angry. An angry woman would be intimidating; i.e. demand, confront, accuse, put down and threaten the man.

MEN NEED GROWING UP

Businessman Mark Taylor and Stacy, an interior designer had a love marriage and were sexually active pre-maritally. Extremely passionate, he would initiate and plan all the intimate encounters and expected Stacy to participate actively, though she was not relaxed with pre-marital sex. After marriage, Stacy dropped her inhibitions due to the social sanction in marriage and started initiating sex.

She was surprised to note Mark’s lack of response on several occasions, and felt confused and hurt. On enquiry, he would say that he could physically respond only when he was in the mood and that he could not ‘will’ an erection. She resigned to this but later realised that he was simply unwilling to open himself up if he was not the initiator, only because of his need for comfort. He was his ‘Mama’s favoured boy’ and happy in his comfort zones, but Stacy was unhappy and therefore sought counselling for them. Over a period of time, with counselling, he matured from ‘Mama’s favoured boy’ to ‘Stacy’s adult partner’.

There are several reasons why a sexual relationship might not be fulfilling for the woman besides the normal heterosexual man’s ‘blow hot blow cold attitude’. The man may be hesitant and anxiety-prone due to performance anxiety or anxiety about whether he will be able to meet the woman’s sexual appetite, he might fear hurting her especially if she has come across as a ‘delicate darling’ in previous intimate moments and accused him of hurting her, he might have an actual physical problem; i.e. erectile dysfunction, he might be withholding sex from her to punish her for some other transgression in the relationship, he might be depressed or severely stressed in work, financial or other areas of his life, etc.

INTIMIDATION IS SELF-DEFEATING

While the sexual relationship might not be fulfilling for the woman, the future health of the relationship in sexual areas and otherwise, depends a lot on the way the woman approaches the issue of sex with her partner.

Janet Griggs and husband Paul had a tumultuous relationship with loud fights and accusations hurled both ways. Janet would be extremely intimidating in her demeanour and put Paul down if there was no intimacy for a while due to some work stress or financial pressure in his life saying, ‘What are you doing about sex? Are you a man or what?’ Her intimidating style in this sensitive area of a man-woman relationship, put him off completely after some time, and he turned it around in vengeance and put her down by commenting that her body was unattractive and her personality was a put-off.

This created feelings of rejection in her, and things spiraled out of control for them. They finally legally divorced with him initiating the separation.

A man often reacts to an angry and intimidating demeanour by either ignoring the woman and remaining aloof, anxiously making excuses for his unresponsiveness in fatigue/stress, etc. accusing her of being a nymphomaniac or unlady-like, putting her down in other areas of the relationship and calling her a ‘put off’, commenting on her body parts which he finds unattractive, switching off sex completely, etc. Therefore, it goes without saying that anger and intimidation on the part of the woman is only self-defeating for her. In such cases, she needs to be asked to assume responsibility for the same, and to take action to change her demeanour from intimidation to one of nurturing the relationship.

DISTORTED THINKING – BAGGAGE OF THE PAST

Men respond to questions and expression of hurt feelings by women depending on their own inferences and perceptions of the expression, and their own anxiety-proneness, which is their own ‘baggage from the past’, and a result of the environment they have grown in. If a man has been raised in a family where expression of hurt feelings, tears, sharing of concerns or questions are viewed as accusations or confrontation, or if assertion is viewed as aggression, then he might view the normal sharing of his partner as an act of intimidation, and react as he would to an actually intimidating woman.

In such cases, the man needs to be counselled about his distorted thinking and inferences and made aware of the origins of the same in his family upbringing, conditioning and environment. If the man is willing to consciously give up his inferences by being more mindful and aware about the same, a healthy communication between the couple can be established to address the issue of sexual relating.

LOSE-LOSE WITH ‘DELICATE DARLING’

Shelly Walker and Andy met through a matrimonial website, dated for a few months and tied the knot. Shelly accused him of hurting her when he attempted intimacy during the honeymoon, coming across like a complaining ‘baby’, and Andy withdrew completely. He did not touch her for six months, and then she complained that there was no physical intimacy in their marriage. He felt accused one way or the other. After an angry outburst and blaming on the part of both, they fortunately decided to consult a sex counsellor. After a sex education session and clearing of all myths and misconceptions, they finally consummated their marriage. A woman might intimidate a man by accusing him of hurting her during intimacy.

This could either be because of her own apprehensions about sex, or her need to be pampered during intimacy. If the man hesitates for fear of causing her pain, or is not aroused due to her passivity, and if she blames him for the lack of physical intimacy in their lives, he might find himself in a lose-lose situation. Early sex counselling for the couple, addressing the myths and apprehensions of the woman, and emphasising the importance of active participation on the part of both, is the preventive and curative measure for such cases.

THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF ANXIETY

Maria and Michael Harrison had a love marriage, were successful in their own careers and financially well settled, but had a far from satisfactory sexual life. The reason was Maria’s histrionic personality coupled with Michael’s anxious personality. This became evident when, during counselling, Maria pointed at Michael in an accusatory way saying, “I have come here so that you can teach him how to satisfy a woman. There is something wrong with this man. He needs to be fixed.” Michael look shame-faced and apologetic and said, “Actually I’m trying to understand what she likes…” and Maria cut in, “Trying is all you know. When will you do something for a change?

This is your last chance. Pull up your socks or I’m out of your life.” Michael said with anxiety in his voice, “Doctor, I’m willing to do whatever you say to make things better for us. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” If a man is anxiety-prone about his sexual performance and the woman comes across as intimidating to him, whether actual or perceived, it simply makes him more anxious. Intimidating the man is self-defeating for the woman. In cases where the man is extremely anxious, even a normal enquiry by the woman might provoke anxiety. Therefore, the woman needs to be warm, patient, nurturing, and facilitating relaxation in the partner, in order to get him off the anxiety mode.

THE LIBERATED couple

If a man has an actual organic problem and is unable to perform due to physical reasons, and if the woman is intimidating, then he views his life partner as insensitive and lacking in empathy. This can sadden him, make him depressed and bring about irreversible cracks in the relationship if she continues to put him down, threaten to have a relationship outside marriage or abandon him. When there is an organic problem, the woman needs to demonstrate great sensitivity and be a support while medical intervention is sought for the same, in the meanwhile focusing on other fulfilling areas of their life together.

When the man is simply going through one of the natural lows and has a temporary erection problem due to ill health, depression, or a major stressor in his life, and if he is neither anxious about his performance nor has any real problem, and if the woman is intimidating, the passing phase can become a permanent one.

Therefore, the woman needs to be his life partner in the truest sense of the word, sharing companionship with him, being supportive of him while he works through his stressors, and encourage him in every way she can.

In conclusion, while the sexual liberation of woman is definitely something to be celebrated and freely expressed, true liberation for both man and woman can only come from being free and liberated from the need to intimidate or be in control of the relationship, so that both can relate in mutual ‘compassion’, which includes ‘companionship’ and ‘passion’.

Michael Douglas
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/when-your-sexuality-intimidates-your-man-108477.html

Maybe you can still recall the first time your kids and your spouse heard you snore. There was a bit of humor and some jokes here and there when the night approached. But things changed after a month, when they realized it was not funny; rather it was disturbing.

“Thou dost snore distinctly,” William Shakespeare wrote in The Tempest, “there’s meaning in thy snores.” It was not long ago when modern medicine started to dig more into what the Father of English Literature wrote hundreds of years ago. He was right when he said there is meaning behind a snore, as it is attributed to several health reasons, and could bring worse complications if left unattended.

For plump middle-aged men, snoring may be associated with sleep apnea, which is a more serious disorder that is linked to the snorer not being able to breathe. From the Greek word “Apnea” which is the absence of breathing, it is clear that the snorer suffers from lack of oxygen, and thus, finds episodes when he wakes up gasping for breath. In a situation like this, there’s no doubt that it is a life-threatening disorder. And because the snorer wakes up often just to breathe, the quality of deep sleep is reduced, which results to fatigue and drowsiness at daytime. Such factors bring accidents and mishaps at work or on the road. In extreme cases, this
may lead to death.

But negative effects that hound the snorer also extend to the members of his family and others as well. Imagine being ignored and being the center of unwanted attention just because you were accused of disturbing them while sleeping. If you’ve been snoring for 12 months now, then that means they’ve been struggling to sleep deeply for 365 nights! And just imagine being the only person in the house whom they don’t want to see in the morning. How does it feel to be the recipient of their grouchy treatment when they have to battle with your snores every night?

Even your spouse who used to sleep in your bedroom may be sleeping somewhere now. This means less intimacy, less communications, and more fights. An aftermath of all this is possibly marital breakdown if your snoring persists. Who wants to sleep with a snorer anyway?

Along with this, neighbors will find you annoying if your snores are loud enough for them to hear. So you’re not only a nuisance to the family, but to your neighbors as well. Clearly, snoring is not just a mere health problem that is dealt by the snorer alone.

The emotional and psychological threats attached to it are so great that they affect the snorer and the people around him financially, psychologically and emotionally in more ways than one could imagine. But it’s not the end of the world if you snore. With the aid of a medical expert, your life will look brighter when it’s cured. So go seek for an advice and arm yourself with determination (and money) to cure this problem once and for all.

Dulce Azogue
http://www.articlesbase.com/wellness-articles/the-health-risks-of-snoring-57653.html

Beyond Crystal, Free Yourself From Crystal Forever

DL Scott CtHA / AASD / CDC

Nine years ago I was approached by a woman, Susan Kingston, to become the Methamphetamine Specialist for a King County Funded Project called Project NEON. Project NEON is a harm reduction program that initially addressed safer use among Gay and Bi-sexual men who inject Crystal Methamphetamine.

Susan was looking for a way to blend more traditional chemical dependency skills and tools with more alternative and newer methods of harm reduction and prevention philosophies. Since many Certified Chemical Dependency Counselors were not, at theat time, trained in both traditional and harm reduction philosophies, she felt that my unique blend of these two philosophies would be perfect for the needs of the program.

After a couple of months of deliberation, I accepted the job offer and was literally thrown into the deep end of the pool with out a life jacket.

What I discovered over the next 9 years is a way of looking at the relationship between, not only Crystal Meth, and Crystal Meth users, but specifically the Gay Community and Crystal Methamphetamine.

The first thing I learned was that this program was originally designed as a harm reduction program to address the fact 51% of all Gay and Bi-sexual men who injected Meth were also HIV+.

The initial belief was that this high infection rate was due to unclean injection practices. As more data was gathered, the new theory is that the high infection rate is more likely due to unsafe sex practices while on Meth. What I learned from my clients was that Meth = Sex, and Sex while on Meth was usually practiced in a very unsafe manner.

On any given day, clients would come into my office with the report that they had either been continuing to use Meth, or they had experienced a relapse of use on Meth. “So what did you do while you were high?” I would ask.

“I got together with a couple of guys and we PnP,d.”

For the uninitiated, PnP, is code on the internet, and now in the community for Party and Play, i.e., let’s hook up and have sex with Crystal.

“Were you safe?” I would always ask, learning quickly what the response would be.

“No of course not, I was high on Meth.”

What the clients were telling me was that even thinking about being safe while high on Meth, is a difficult task, and actually being safe is a harder task.

What I was also learning was that many of the clients who came through the door of Project NEON, originally housed at Stonewall Recovery Services, were not interested in learning how to use Meth safely, they desperately wanted the stuff out of their lives, but were finding no relief through traditional Chemical Dependency Programs. Although Project NEON was funded for Gay and Bi-sexual Men, I was seeing people of all sexual orientations come through my doors, seeking help with a problem that just was not being served by traditional methods. The of these cases that I was able to address was being limited by the funding parameters, but while the focus remained on the Gay Community, the need was seen for these specialized services in all communities.

Just like with most members of the GBLTQ community, (the demands by many 12 step type programs, to accept God, was just not something that these guys wanted to do or could do, nor was the idea of complete and total immediate abstinence one that proved popular).

As a community the Gay and Bi – sexual client had grown up in a society where they / we are told that we are sinners, perverts, and subhuman, that because of our attraction to our own gender, we are doomed by God to go to hell for all eternity. This constant message does not make acceptance of God, an easy or desirous objective.

Another problem within the more traditional modes of treatment existed within the idea that during the first few months, upwards to a year, you should not have sex. Since Meth is so closely tied in with sex in the gay community, (and in other communities as well), and one of the biggest reason for relapse back to Meth use is sexual urges, this second demand was also not something that these guys wanted to do or could do.

I was beginning to wonder why Ms. Kingston had ever asked me to take on this position, or more correctly why I ever thought I could be effective in this position. I was going to have to design a recovery program that addressed both the lack of 12 step support, and the fact that sexual activity was something that could not just be dismissed with the “no sex during your early recovery” rule.

Over the next nine years I was able to design a program that allowed roughly a 50 to 55% success rate in helping Meth addicts to either drastically cut down, (going from daily use to once every 6 to 8 months), or completely quit their use Of Crystal Methamphetamine, commonly called Meth.

My first step was to take the Crystal Meth Recovery Group, offered by Project NEON, and look at what was working and what was not.

During those first couple of years I struggled with the fact that the group was a three month closed group. Unlike most treatment groups which are open and people are able to begin and end their participation at various times, a close group meant that everyone began and ended their participation on the same date.

There are both advantages and disadvantages to this type of group, the biggest disadvantage being that the group usually started with about 12 to 15 people, and ended with about 3 to 5 people still attending.

What was it about the message that was not keeping the guys engaged? The group was based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, sound, researched techniques that should have facilitated a higher retention rate, and a greater success rate, but something was not connecting.

As any good Chemical Dependency Counselor, and / or 12 step support group member can tell you, a person usually has to come to some kind of consciousness or spiritual awakening to help them change their thinking and thus change their lives. Now I am not talking about a religious conversion here, I am talking about spirituality. Spirituality is that deep inner connection to some unnamed force in the universe, whether that be called God, Energy, Consciousness, etc. It is not following some religious belief system that judges, condemns and chastises people for their own behavior or beliefs. I needed to find a way of introducing some form of spirituality into the community without tying it to any organized religion. Just how was I going to do that?

Enter Don Miguel Ruiz, and The Four Agreements. About seven or eight years ago, my partner and I went on a vacation which include a day and one half drive to get to our destination. To help pass the time I bought several books on tape. We ended up listening to one of those tapes over and over and over again. That tape was The Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements talk about how each and every one of us is domesticated into our own internalized belief system from the moment we are first born, much like we domestic our pet dog or cat. We are taught the meaning of words, bottle, Mom, Dad, Church, book, etc., and when our attention is hooked we are quickly taught what is right and what is wrong. We are taught how a good boy acts, or a good girl acts, (we are taught that to be normal is to be attracted to the opposite gender). All of these beliefs and ideas are agreed on by each and every one of us, and they become the agreements that run our lives.

The book gives four agreements to help you look at and get rid of those agreements that make no sense. 1) Be impeccable with your word. 2) Never take anything personal. 3) Never make assumptions. 4) Always do your best.

Since this article is not an article about the four agreements, and I don’t plan on delving into a lengthy explanation of this system, I will just say that The Four Agreements have become a major influence in my life, and popular in the Crystal Meth Recovery community, I would strongly recommend that you pick up either the book or the CD of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

I started teaching this method to The Crystal Meth Recovery Group, along with several of the Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, and noticed that the members were starting to apply these ideas into their own lives, and they were starting to spread this philosophy by word of mouth.

OK, so now we were starting to get somewhere. The next step was to address the issue of sexuality as it applied to Meth use in the Gay community. Hmm-m-m-m how could I reach my audience?

As I mentioned, Ms. Kingston had hired me because of my qualifications as a Chemical Dependency Counselor, but she also hired me because of my qualifications and skills as a Hypnotherapist.

Utilizing these skills I started teaching clients the basis of what is now becoming popular as Mindfulness. In essence I taught the client how to meditate, how to use meditation to observe their thoughts and feelings, and recognize that while our ability to think is what makes us a higher species of life on earth, we are not our thoughts or are feelings, we are something much beyond these things. In the process I was able to get the clients to start looking at their own individual spirituality by recognizing that they are, at their core, a consciousness, a soul, or spirit, what ever they chose to call it, but they are much more than just a body and a brain.

Once they started looking at this idea it was easier to get them to accept the fact that the thoughts of sex and of drug use, (cravings), were simply thoughts, and since these things were simply thoughts, then they had the choice either to respond to these thoughts by given in to them, or by rejecting them. We talked at some length about the fact that since they are physically addicted to Meth, it would be much harder to not give into these thoughts, but it was still there choice. (I would like to point out that whenever the recovery group had participants who were not members of the gay community, these some ideas and thoughts about mindfulness applied across the board).

The next step was to introduce them to a technique that I called Emotional Release Therapy. With individual therapy I offered hypnotic inductions to all of my NEON clients. During the session I would get the client to talk about what ever issue was upper most in their brains, and then during the hypnotic induction I would utilize a technique, called Emotional Release Therapy.

I was originally taught this technique while going through classes to receive certification as a Clinical Hypnotherapist. Over the years I have refined this original method and developed into what is now called Emotional Release Therapy. This technique allows the client to achieve deeper levels of altered brain wave patterns, known as Alpha Brain Wave Patterns, that allow each person to quickly and swiftly detach from emotions that are tied to what ever issue or memory that they were talking about during the first of the session. This technique does not change or wipe out in any way the memory that the emotion was attached to, it effectively disconnects the emotional reaction so that the client can look at that memory without the emotional trauma that usually leads to such things as drug use, or any other compulsive, addict, response.

While the client is now able to address such issues as internalized homophobia, which has greatly contributed to their Crystal Meth addiction, with new tools such as the Four Agreements, and Hypnotic Inductions, and their own daily meditations, they are able to start practicing intimacy in their lives.

One of the Agreements that most homosexuals, and many heterosexuals, are raised to believe is that our lives are defined by our sexuality.

In our case we are lead to believe that we are intrinsically different than our heterosexual counterparts simply because we are attracted to our own gender. This belief system causes many young homosexuals to gravitate towards the gay community during our coming out process. As we come out and enter more fully into the gay community we find both advantages and disadvantages. While it is true that we find a sense of community, a sense of belonging within the gay community, protection and safety from narrow minded and bigoted people, it is also true that members of the gay community are more prone to issues of alcoholism / chemical dependency, sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, high rates of depression, and other mental health issues.

As a gay man I can testify to the idea that most members of the gay community believe that we are different in someway from our straight counterparts. We allow that belief to keep us separate and isolated. I am not excusing the fact that there are many straight community members who have committed atrocious acts of hatred and violence against the gay community, (witness the recent passage of Prop 8 in California, a religious fueled political action that has taking away rights and deemed us as second class citizens). What I am saying is that due to our own agreements about our worth, and self value, we often times have deep seated issues that manifests in a variety of ways, eventually resulting in what is termed internalized homophobia. This internalized homophobia is often times dealt with by members of the community by using drugs and other compulsive / addictive behaviors to either suppress, or avoid these feelings altogether.

Many in the community have not been able to express true intimacy without it being infected with the belief that sex must accompany the intimacy. When it comes to most Crystal Meth addicts, sex has become a paramount activity while high. As recovering addicts learn new skills and techniques, such as The Four Agreements, Emotional Release Therapy, and Mindfulness Meditation, they discover that they want to engage in intimacy, (which due to life long agreements about their own homosexuality, translate into sex). Now the addict must go back and learn that not all intimacy has to be associated with the sexual act.

In traditional therapy, these confusions regarding intimacy don’t always come up in the same way, and so sex is simply looked at as something that should not be engaged in.

My idea, and clinical requirement, was and still is that the recovering addict, gay or straight, get out there and start exploring what it means to means to be intimate. This may involve acts of sex at first, it may not, but it must be made clear to the recovering addict that it is perfectly acceptable to explore these activities without the use of the drug.

By following these clinical guidelines, and techniques I have seen clients who have been able to stop more than just their Crystal Meth use, they have been able to increase self worth, and self esteem, they have been able to eliminate the debilitating anxieties and fears connected to traumatic memories. By clearing up these old beliefs and old agreements that have found the ability to move ahead in life, eliminating the major stumbling blocks of addictive and compulsive behaviors, and finding ways of eliminating their brand of internalized homophobia.

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DLScott
http://www.articlesbase.com/addictions-articles/beyond-crystal-free-yourself-from-crystal-meth-forever-701674.html

The last in the series of Best Sexual positions, this particular article is concerned with one very special sexual position, which in both literature, in practice by sexual masters (such as Casanova and Errol Flynn), and by the personal research done by this humble author, shines way beyond all others.

This is the position mentioned in both the Kama Sutra and the Perfumed Garden, and is called Dok el arz (meaning pounding on the spot).

Using the translation of the immortal Arab classic, The Perfumed Garden, Sheikh Nefzaoui, describes the sexual position in this manner.

The man, sitting with his legs stretched out, calls for the woman, who comes and sits astride on his thighs. She then embraces his back by crossing her legs around it, and thus places her vulva opposite the man’s penis.

The woman then glides the penis into her vagina, and this leaves her arms free to place around the man’s neck. The couple is now face to face, belly to belly, and the man is deeply penetrating the woman.

The man for his part embraces the woman about her sides and waist, and helps her to move up and down upon his member. The woman must assist very much in the movement.

In a more modern approach, the man will sit on the edge of the bed, with his legs hanging on the side of the bed, his feet on the floor.

The woman will sit on his thighs, wrapping her legs around his back and places her vagina directly in line with the man’s penis. The woman helps the man penetrate her, and with her arms free, embraces the man, as he embraces her.

There is no real thrusting, but rather a swirling motion, with the penis firmly in its maximum penetration.

The woman grinds her pubic area against the man’s, the couple is free to kiss and their hands free to explore and fondle each other’s bodies.

The motion will continue a long time, and the woman will soon arrive at a profound and long lasing orgasm.

This position is superior to all others as it gives the greatest amount of intimacy to the couple, who are free to kiss and pet throughout the sexual act.

The woman is usually moved to great pre-orgasmic spasms and will eventually reach higher degrees of orgasm. It is not uncommon in this position for the woman to even scratch and tear at the man’s flesh, biting and expressing load moans of satisfaction.

The man for his part feels a complete union with the woman, and during her orgasm, her vagina will grasp his penis, creating an exquisite feeling, not easily found in the sexual act.

After Orgasm

Even after orgasm, the couple can stay, and should stay joined in this wonderful position. The couple are still free to embrace and kiss, and should only slowly separate.

Even if the man’s penis has gone flaccid, the position will keep it well penetrated, and there is still great emotions and feelings even at that stage.

There is not other sexual position we know, or that has been reported by the ancients or the masters that does so much for the intimacy and closeness of the couple, while at the same time, creating an explosive and unforgettable orgasm in the woman.

Sacha Tarkovsky
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/best-sexual-position-of-all-time-part-2-121550.html