Dating Advice: Indecisive To Focused In 5 Steps

February 28th, 2010 | by admin |

You are a single woman who is frustrated because your life and relationships are humdrum and mundane. Time to make some changes. What are you really passionate about? What makes your heart sing? Are you waiting for a relationship to make your life begin? It’s time to step out of your comfort zone and begin to live a life that has energy and momentum.

Step 1 – Move out of Indecisive

As a single coach many of the women I speak to are indecisive about their lives and particularly about relationships. They seem to be in a rut and don’t know how to find the time, energy or focus to have it be different.

Ask yourself the question; is my life as I would like it to be? Do I have a picture of how I want my life to look in a year, 2 years, 5 years? I suggest that if you want you life to be different you first have to start with your own vision. Part of this vision will probably include a relationships. So Step 1 is to build your vision, give yourself time and space to do this – get yourself a notebook, look at all areas of your life, including relationships, and write down how you would life to look.

Step 2 – Moving from trying to doing

Part of the problem for single women is that you do not know how to make the changes in your attitudes and actions. Quite a lot of the time I hear women say that they will ‘try’ to do something. Have you ever just tried to pick up a cup? Just trying ends in failure because you will not complete the action.

So now you have a vision how are you going to make this happen? How are you going to convert trying into doing? Step 2 is about learning not just to dip your toe in the water but to make the first step. Look at the work you have done on your vision and ask yourself what is the one thing I can do today which will move me towards that vision? This action will often be very small but it is a step taken and achieved.

Step – 3 Change

Change is not half-hearted, it has energy and dynamism. It is about having a headline for your life that says “I know where I am heading and I am walking in that direction”. So in Step 2 I talked about taking the first steps. Although these may be small at first the aim is for you to get your life in motion and find more energy for yourself.

Step 3 is about how to find that energy. If you want to achieve lasting change in your life you are going to have to feel successful in the steps you are taking. What are you really passionate about that you are not doing now? What makes your heart sing? I suggest you concentrate on those areas of life that will bring you the biggest gains first. That means don’t necessarily look at the relationship part first, look at those parts that you can achieve on your own.

Step 4 – Commitment to yourself first

Guess what, you need to fix your life first and a relationship that you desire will follow. This sounds like a tall order but I can assure you it works like that. Your first commitment is to yourself and getting all the pieces of your life in order so that you can have the future that you desire.

How can you keep that commitment? Step 4 is you putting your agenda at the top of your list of priorities. This is not about being selfish but about being self-focused and self-disciplined. Take the situation when you have promised yourself that you will do a particular task that will move you towards your vision. A friend phones, she is lonely and would like to meet for a drink. It is easy for you to give up on your task after all you want to be a good friend but it is more important to remind yourself about your priorities. After all you can meet her tomorrow night. So don’t put off those things that move you further down your path.

Step 5 – Making a plan and sticking to it.

It is so easy to let life get in the way and find yourself back where you were. Therefore the most important part is having a plan for your life and for relationships that will keep you focused on moving forward.

My suggestion is that Step 5 is for you draw up a plan. It will have different areas for the different parts of your life. Then ask yourself what can I do this week, this month, this 6 months to move forward? Now it is time to make appointments with yourself, but your tasks in your diary. Be kind to yourself and don’t make them too big or too many just slow and steady. See yourself being successful in ticking them off week by week.

The Singles Coach Trisha Stone
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/dating-advice-indecisive-to-focused-in-5-steps-114315.html

  1. 5 Responses to “Dating Advice: Indecisive To Focused In 5 Steps”

  2. By apple dapples on Feb 28, 2010 | Reply

    Is there any place where I can vent about relationships?
    Im currently in the throes of sadness. Recently, someone who I had a relationship with has found another person he is in love with. He still talks to me, and tells me he loves me as much as he loves her, but I am in the U.S, he is in the U.K. I accept that realization and we had talked about it before, but long story. I would have been okay except that he lied about seeing someone. I told him it would be okay to see someone else. I want him to be happy. As long as he just would tell me something was developing. And this is what happened. WE got in a fight, and we didn’t’ talk for a week. I finally get a hold of him, we argued some more and he told me he was gonna be his friends for a week. Then, we didn’t talk for 2 weeks, I got sad and worried and wrote him a letter, he replied that he was recently seeing someone. THen we talked, and I found out he wasn’t at his friend for the week. He had a one night stand and kept in contact with this girl, and when we got in a fight, i guess she convinced him to go visit her, and he did for 5 days, and fell in love with her. Funny thing it’s another Long distance relationship for him…Yeah that’s gonna work out lovely. Anyhow, I know I have to focus on myself instead of this mess. I’m taking steps, i’ve went on dates. But one just can’t stop ones feelings for someone, even if they fucked up badly. I know he cares about me, but he can’t wait. I understand that. I just wish it would not have happened this way.Because now I feel partially at fault. Another crazy twist and turn about this situation is, I am considering going to school in the U.K to get my Masters, because it’s super cheap, and I love to go back and start new friendships and a chapter of my life. and now…He’s kinda excited about the prospect and basically is confused about everything right now in his life. He says his selfish, and wishes to split himself in two so he can be with both people. Im bitter about his indecisive ways. And Im going to see him in March to get closure and go visit schools to see what master programs are out there. But anyhow. basically, I just wanna know if there are any chat rooms or relationship chat That I can go to, to vent and ask for advice to get over this or if any of you guys can help me with this. Maybe one day me and him will be friends, but not right now. I gotta emotionally vomit this out of my system.
    He’s actually a good person. The circumstances are just quite difficult and he has admited he fucked up. I just need to vent and try and take steps towards getting over this. In all truth, I really still feel a lot for htis person. But it’s just how the circumstances are. :(

  3. By Marsha on Feb 28, 2010 | Reply

    You just did! Better?
    There are other fish in the sea!
    References :

  4. By Jason D on Feb 28, 2010 | Reply

    you need to focus on you, you need to stop the feelings you have for this guy, he is a JERK!!! Let me tell you something get your education here not there, you will find a nice guy that will treat you how you deserve to be treated, Good LUCK!!1
    References :

  5. By rockinpunkin on Feb 28, 2010 | Reply

    Hmm…I don’t think I know of any except for Yahoo chat rooms which I’ve never tried but you can try it out (see below link).

    To be honest, I think he’s playing you. He’s saying the right things so that you don’t move on, so that you still have "hope". If he’s going to fall in love with someone else (especially with trashy one stand), he’d leave you again if you ever got back together. I think you should go to the UK but not see him at all. Start brand new. Make new friends and date around.

    Edited: just found another good place to vent, it’s a message board:
    http://www.ivillage.com/messageboards/
    References :
    http://messenger.yahoo.com/features/chatrooms

  6. By aqua_divaz on Feb 28, 2010 | Reply

    i wouldve just totally shut down when i hear tat he actually wants to split himself in two so that he can be with you and with the other woman at the same time. hmm…u guys are just dating or have u been a serious relationship for long? i mean, if ur just dating its not really wrong to be dating 2 people or more, major fighting while dating is a no no i guess cos if u cant put up ur best front whilst still dating god knows wat u have to endure further in the relationship…but if ur in a relationship and ur bf says that he wants to be with someone else too is just so wrong for me.personally i think yahoo answers are one of the good websites to go just to vent. no guarantees that it will solve ur problem but just to let it off your shoulders and have other people answer is liberating cos u know people out there are or have gone through wat u are going thru now =)
    References :

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