Comments on: Jealousy and Dating Advice for Women

By: Sue C

Sue C — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:27:59 +0000

Unfortunately "for now" you’re going to have to abide by "her" wishes. I KNOW how you feel, I too went thru the same thing. I was NOT allowed to be around when my "ex" picked up his 2 kids, he had to take them to his mother’s to see them. This was not an over nite thing as you have tho. So I can well imagine how you feel having to leave your own home completely to comply w/her wishes. When their divorce becomes final, he CAN get this chged. He’d be entitled to live his own life, & certainly wouldn’t be expected to have to keep this up when it’s all over & done with. There would be NO reason for it. He’s allowed to live a life, find someone he loves, but not have to have it stipulated "she" had to vacate when he saw his child. That would all be far too unfair. As much as you dislike it now, just wait a bit longer as you know it’s NOT forever. In time you’ll end up having a happy better tomorrow. Just keep that in mind, there IS a lite at the end of your tunnel…best to you…:)
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By: Wilma F

Wilma F — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:25:59 +0000

as long as that clause is in effect on his visitation then it was foolish to move in w/ him.

Yes, I’d be pizzed that I had to leave my home everytime the kid came over but then I wouldn’t have moved in w/ him until that clause was removed.

I know you care for him and you believe you have future w/ him but the fact that BOTH of you disregarded or dismissed that clause says you really didn’t think too far into the future about the reality of this situation and what all is going to be involved in moving this relationship forward.

You both only went for what you wanted, when you wanted it without thinking about the price you’d have to pay to have what you wanted.

well, this is price for staying in this relationship and living with him before he’s finished w/ his old business. He has a restriction that requires you to not be in the same space as his son overnight.

Under the present circumstances you have three options:

1. you leave while the child visits, as you have been doing

2. he and the child leave and sleep elsewhere so you don’t have to leave your home.

3. you get your own place and only move back in w/ him when the inconvenient clause is removed by the court.

It sucks, there is no getting around that, it SUCKS! but you knew what the deal was before you moved in and you’re going to have to play by the court’s rules until it’s changed.

Good Luck.
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By: Sandy Ego

Sandy Ego — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:23:59 +0000

My personal rule has always been not to date guys with kids from previous relationships. Period.

Once you choose to be with a guy who has a kid, you are putting yourself at the mercy of him and the mother of the child. It can work out great if everyone involved is a responsible adult – or it can result in a lot of drama, like in your case. The important thing to understand is that no one is blameless – not you, not him, not his ex. It isn’t just "her fault" – all of you guys are contributing to the situation by the choices you have made in the past and are making right now. If you are choosing to be in a relationship with this person, you have to be sure that you are willing to endure a certain amount of drama in your life for as long as you guys are together. Even once the divorce is final, the ex isn’t going to go away – if she is the way you say she is, she’ll always find some way to manipulate him by using the child as an excuse. If you are not prepared to put up with it, you’re better off hitting the road now, before wasting any more time. It is your choice and your right. At the moment, there isn’t anything you can do except be patient and wait for him to finish the battle. If your name is not on the deed, it is NOT your house, no matter how you may feel about it. Again, staying in this situation is entirely your choice – don’t pass the blame. It’s easy to point your finger at the "evil ex" while completely overlooking your own choices and responsibilities.
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By: Willa

Willa — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:21:59 +0000

Really, it's not all about you. First you date and then move in with a married man and now you resent the mother not wanting her child in the overnight company of a woman like you? In truth, she can have that clause in the divorce decree if she asks for it. Courts are protective of minor children and will allow a mother to protect the morals of her children from influences she disagrees with so your boyfriend will have to abide by it or lose his visitation rights.
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By: shan_renee3

shan_renee3 — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:19:59 +0000

I have the same situation situations going on, and all i can say is if you love the guy and if he is worth it, then do what the courts have ordered for now. Its not forever. the biggest thing of all, dont blame him he's doing what he has to to have his child.
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By: Davidica

Davidica — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:17:59 +0000

If the house/lease is in YOUR NAME, mail* it to his attourney, her attourney and the judge to prove that you are legally allowed to stay in your own house and that it is HIS fault for staying with you and breeching the clause. (*call the attournies and court first to find out if this would be legit)
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By: Grace

Grace — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:15:59 +0000

His son comes first. he had him before you came along. You'll always be second. Get use to it.
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By: Valerie X Account #22!

Valerie X Account #22! — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:13:59 +0000

Once you are his Wife, she won't be able to say $hit about it but until then, Ms Jealousy will cause problems.
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By: AnswerDude

AnswerDude — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:11:59 +0000

Good rule is to not date a man till the divorce is final! BUT it is too late for that SO you just have to wait it out since you didn't wait to begin with! ! ! Good Luck!
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By: Catie

Catie — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:09:59 +0000

Just stay calm and talk it out. You'll get there. Best of luck
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