How to Save a Relationship – 5 Steps to Save Your Relationship

March 6th, 2010 | by admin |

You are here because you are wondering how to save a relationship, your relationship. Maybe one or both of you works long hours. Maybe one or both of you feels neglected. Maybe infidelity is involved. No matter, the question is how to save the relationship. Here are 5 important steps on how to save your relationship…

Step 1 – Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

The first thing you must do is figure out if your relationship is really worth saving. Now, it is true that nearly every relationship can be saved with hard work and commitment from both parties in the relationship. But, both parties must be committed to make it work. If one does not commit to it, then there is little that can be done to save the relationship. And many couples stay in a relationship because it is convenient / easier to do, or, stay because of the children.

How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is really worth saving and not just for the children (although this is important) or convenience sake.

Step 2 – Identify The Root Problem(s) In Your Relationship

Next, you must figure out the problem(s) in your relationship. And I mean the root problem, not the symptom(s). One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people generally mistake the symptoms of the problem for the problem itself. For example, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes break ups. But the affair is a usually a symptom of a deeper problem.

For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying partner, who otherwise might not have strayed. While most people look at the ‘affair’ as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is the ‘lack of intimacy‘ in the primary relationship. True, you might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of ‘guilt’, but another problem could occur simply because you have not dealt with the root problem, the lack of intimacy.

This is only one example, but when you start to deal with the root problems in your relationship and not the symptoms, then your relationship can be saved.

Step 3 – Communicate Effectively 

Having pinpointed the root problem(s), you should now be in a much better position to begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means listening to your partner’s concerns, as well as verbalizing your own feelings and concerns. You can hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are all over the place.

And remember that, when your partner says things that may hurt you, they are not doing it to hurt you, but because they want to improve your relationship. This is a very important part of the healing process, so keep your head and do not let your emotions run away with you.

Step 4 – Create An Action Plan

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an agreed actionable plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you do not spend time together like you used to do, then arrange one night a week for example. And take turns coming up with creative ways to spend that evening together over the weeks. If it is not possible at this stage to spend an evening together, then agree to commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.

Step 5 – Accept That Saving A Relationship Is An Ongoing Process

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. And be patient.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Now, if you are still certain that you want to save your relationship then go here http://how-to-get-your-ex-back-using-magic.blogspot.com where you will get more free advice on video and some important info. on more advanced techniques on how to save your relationship.

W. Miller
http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-save-a-relationship-5-steps-to-save-your-relationship-727057.html

  1. 15 Responses to “How to Save a Relationship – 5 Steps to Save Your Relationship”

  2. By Ivony on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    How do I save my marriage in six months? If it can't be saved, how do I let go?
    Gentlemen:
    If you gave your wife six months to save the marriage and told her she had a one percent chance of saving the relationship;
    What would it take to save the relationship? What would you want to see? How could she build towards having a better relationship with you? What would drive you nuts?

    My husband says he still loves me, he still flirts with me, we still make love, but he doesn’t think he can live with me anymore because of my mental instability. I’m now in therapy/counseling to resolve my issues, but I also need to rebuild the relationship so your advice will help.

    Ladies:
    How did you let go of your marriage and move on?
    Did you ever wake up and find you didn’t know yourself anymore? What were your next steps for getting your life back on track?
    Could you forgive your husband/ex, if he wanted to walk away from the marriage and still save the friendship?

    All comments and advice are appreciated.

    Cheers.
    Additional Details:

    Mental Instability in this case equals paranoia about his relationship with female friends, insecurity issues, PTSD, pms, and verbal abuse on my part towards him. Most of these existed before we were married, the paranoia about other relationships and verbal abuse began after he had an online affair and began hiding things from me, like talking to ex-girlfriends. (ie: Emotional Rollercoaster)

    He is committed to seeing a therapist individually and going to couples counseling, so he is making some efforts to meet me half way. His cop out is that he hurt, well I hurt too – I’m not telling him to man up, I’m asking him to be honest with me.

    We aren’t seperated, we currently live together. He ask me to move into a seperate room and then ask me back into ours when he realized he was putting up barriers between us.

    And yes, I really want to save this marriage.

  3. By Droc on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    This just proves that ALL women are crazy. Did he not know this going into it or what happened there? Personally I’m sticking with my wife no matter what. I didn’t get married to just throw it away. Infidelity is different but you being a little Koo Koo doesn’t really scream it’s over. At least to me.
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  4. By abc on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    if he said you have six months to save it and only a one percent chance, he’s already got one foot out the door….the vows he took mentioned in sickness and in health…….he should be supporting you while you go through counseling/therapy…..not giving you ultimatums and making things worse!
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  5. By fainstl on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    It sounds as if you put your husband on an emotional roller coaster ride if you’re not mentally sound.

    And if he tells you that there’s only a 1% chance in saving your marriage, then it sounds like he’s 99% sure he is ready to get out of it.

    If I were you, I’d try to better myself just for myself, and leave him behind.
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  6. By olderbutwiser on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    I personally think you’re being "held hostage" by him telling you such ridiculous expectations he has for you to accomplish…in 6 months?? There is NO way, one person can make a marriage work, regardless how bad they want to. He is making ridiculous demands that no one living could accomplish. Get your help in therapy, then move on, without him. Find a good guy that will love you, and accept you like you are! Good Luck!!
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  7. By KJ jr on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    Your husband is telling you to leave in six months.

    it’s not all that hard to understand, no?

    forget him.
    forget the marriage.
    i’m not quite sure what you meant by mental instability, but you need to get that taken care of, before worrying about anything else.
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  8. By larryrodz71 on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    No offense but your husband should know that all women have mental issues. I mean this is a good way……….. they have there 5 day blood fest or they just tend to be well ummm kind of confusing to a man.
    He should know this and understand not how a women works because that will never happen. More of knowing how you are and accepting you and your issues. I know i will get thumbs down but i am on your side… you should not be the only one trying to save this relationship he should pitch in too.
    Marriage is between two people not just one … he needs to step up if he wants to keep you.
    Sorry Ladies men and women just do not always understand each other thats why divorce is so high
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  9. By Javier169 on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    What did you do to him? Most females are like you nowadays…just confused and dont know what the hell they want really…nice guy…when they get it they spit him out…bad guy…they get it and they want a nice guy. All on their own selfish road to self discovery…they are hurting so many people even their own kids for females that cheat or get divorced so they can go on a soul searching selfish search. man I feel bad for the kids nowadays….

    We tell men..MAN up…well you need to WOMAN up. Accept responsibility for your choices…i dont know what teh background is…but man this is another classic case of a confused and most likely selfish female. Sorry if i was harsh…

    How long have you been separated? What happened? If I am off base I do apologize but you did not really give us any inside details
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  10. By kid on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    what I don’t understand is that if her still loves you and still makes love to you why on earth is he not prepared to live with you. If he truly loves you he should Honor the vow he made, til death do us apart and the rest of them. If he can’t stick with you when you need him then maybe it is time for you to move on. Your the one who needs the help and he is not willing so try to move, although one more shot at trying to make it work won’t go amiss and won’t leave you regretting your decision if you had left him with out trying to make your marrige work. I know this I sound like a hypocrite but you should make him sit down and explain to him how you feel and if he still does not understand then it is time to let go. Hope it works out.
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  11. By love_my_girlz on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    My opinion is no matter how crazy you are ,when someone loves you they don’t just walk out.

    They try to make it work cause they don’t want to see you end up with anyone else..is he with someone else? Maybe that’s why hes so decided!

    If hes not cheating then hes just tired of you and that’s not love so why do you want someone who doesn’t love you, flirting and having sex doesn’t mean he loves you being there for you when you need him does.
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  12. By howmanyhalos on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    Your marriage can’t be "fixed" in 6 months. A marriage takes a lifetime. He knows it is over and he is just using you for sex. Cut him off and see how fast that "6 months" turns into "I can’t do this, we’re over". Continue with your therapy whilst saving some money and as soon as you can leave, do so. Stop being an enabler. You deserve more than that.
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  13. By Gary B on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    1) Go see or rent the movie called "FIREPROOF"
    2) Buy the book (at a Christian books store). Do what it says.
    3) Get some counseling. Get the Fireproof book; find a Christian counseling service.

    ALL of your question are spiritual in nature. It is not about what you can or cannot do, it is all about what you are WILLING to do or not do.

    You CAN save your marriage — are you WILLING to put in the effor?
    You CAN put your life back on track — are you WILLING to make a real effort to learn what that track is supposed to be?
    You CAN forgive a wayward husband for anything — are you WILLING to do so.
    If YOu are not willing to make this effort, then do not blame the failure of your marriage on your mate. The problem is within you. ONLY after you have made every herculean effort possible, and then he leaves you, can you consider yourself "innocent".

    More importantly, you MUST also forgive yourself for the role that you play in this. Are you WILLING do to so, or are you more interested in wallowing in self-pity?

    GETTING married is easy, STAYING married takes a lot of really hard work and commitment. And quite often, as it appears in this case, that work and commitment must come from only one person. Marriage is NOT a 50/50 proposition — it is 100/100. BOTH people MUST give forth a 100% effort, or the marriage will fail.

    In the meantime, it is often necessary for one or the other to give more than 100% to make up for a reticent partner. That’s what you do — you’re married! I presume that your marriage vows said something like "for better or for worse" — well, this is the "worse" part. But you took a vow to remain, to work through it.

    There is nothing stopping you, except you. Are you WILLING to make the effort?
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  14. By pride2075 on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    It takes 2 people to save a marriage, he’s putting too much weight on you and it’s stressing you out even more at times when you should be taking care of your health. That’s so not fair. He should be stick by you no matter what, if he loves you enough. Don’t show him your neediness, which will push him away more. Play a game that you’re ok with breaking up and that there is someone else for you out there. Book time with friends & family, look your best and try to be happy. He’ll notice your independence and he’ll see you’re able to be happy. He’s not the only thing that’ll make you happy. Good luck with your therapy. By the way, buy a book called ‘why men marry bitches’, it’s an eye opening. It might help your marriage and the way he sees you.
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  15. By ms. naughty on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    wow this is sad, do you really want to save the marriage? I mean how did it get this bad, I see it this way if you love someone you just don’t turn and leave the most important person out of your life. so think how did this happen, that he wants to walk out, what you need to do is you and your husband should sit down and write 10 things that are important! then start working on them, most men they love to be loved, it not always about sex yeah they might talk about sex all the time but the lacking of most marriage the wife just forgets that a man has feelings and they should be treated right if you don’t want to have sex then that is fine but if they do then what is the best thing to do to keep them happy! now that your scared he going to walk away it all about you but what about him how did he come to this all of a sudden and your mental instability is something a woman always says when they think there losing something they love! well I think you know how to win your husband back so you should do what you know is need to keep your family together no counseling will help you unless you want it bad enough. then you need to make your husband feel loved again!
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  16. By dchst25 on Mar 6, 2010 | Reply

    Give it to God. Prayer and the display of unconditional love can save your marriage. I am also having marriage problems and one night while I was searching for websites that would help me save my marriage(I tried them all), I came across rejoiceministries.org. I found there are thousands, millions, around the world standing for their the restoration of their marriages. I realized that my marriage problems were bacause I was always doing things my way and not God’s way. I gave my life to God. Since then I have grown into a better person daily. My prayers have and are bening answered, God is restoring my marriage. If God can restore my marriage, he can restore yours! It doesn’t even matter if your husband is meeting you have way, prayer can do much more than you think, nothing is impossible with God.
    References :
    rejoiceministries.org

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