Comments on: Your Very Important Marriage Certificate

By: Leannain

Leannain — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:46:59 +0000

if you ask an ordained minister to conduct your service you are going to get god Why not get a JP and have his brother say a blessing afterward
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By: Garnet Glitter

Garnet Glitter — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:44:59 +0000

Simple…you soon to be brother in law has very strong religious convictions and he is letting you know he won;t compromise them…so you get some one else to officiate at your wedding..obviously he feels if he were to do it ‘your way’, which is your right, it will compromise his belief system and his e-mail is letting you know that, not pushing his belief system on either one of you…I assume the e-mail was to your fiance,who you say still believes……so accept that if you want it your way you’re gonna hafta get some one else to officiate….you’re not entitled to have your soon to be BIL do the ceremony, I’m sure you know that, it would be a favor from him however since he obviously feels it’s in conflict with his beliefs and his position it’s best to look else where for an officiate who will do it your way…good luck.
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By: Lydia

Lydia — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:42:59 +0000

I suppose you just need to get someone to perform a civil ceremony.

I’m SO impressed with the words of your fiance’s brother, they are lovely!

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By: karrie c

karrie c — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:40:59 +0000

I would tell him that you understand his feelings and plan on having God in the ceremony, you just more of a civil ceremony. Let me know in the kindest way you know that you have different beliefs then he does(IF he doesn't know them you don't have to tell him). Inform him you will have counseling done(you can find ones that have very little religion in them), a lot of churches have them. If you don't mind a few prayers not many. And if this does not work write out the ceremony yourself and tell him to just read it!!
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By: "Shakes"

"Shakes" — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:38:59 +0000

well, you asked him to perform the ceremony, since he is religious man, I would say he’s entitled to give you his opinions, It’s also his job to encourage you to seek the religious path to your marriage. So really, you should have saw this one coming.
If it’s not that important to you to be married under religious circumstances why not nix it and just have a justice of the peace do it.
Whether you agree with him or not, it seems like he’s just doing his "job".
But if it’s not important to you, why be so defencive about it in the first place? This is the part where you smile and nod to make your fiance happy because it’s just as much his day as yours.
You’re not wrong to feel the way you do because it’s what you believe, but I think in the grand scheme of things, this one is pretty small.

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By: PS L

PS L — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:36:59 +0000

You need to put your foot down on this. He needs to respect you as the bride. You may want to edit his speech and get your husband to say NO to him instead. It would be easier for him to and anyway, there’s no point in getting them mad at you before you become part of his family.

Let him understand that he will still be an integral part of your wedding but that you are more comfortable with something less religious. I once walked out on the minister’s speech during the ceremony coz I was so pissed off with him telling people that they would ‘burn in hell’ if they weren’t a Christian. If you’re friends are atheists as well, let him know that too. A wedding is suppose to be a happy and enjoyable event for everyone and that point has to be told. Good luck!
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My MUM IN LAW and her SIS were in charge of my wedding…so you can imagine….

By: sden2616

sden2616 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:34:59 +0000

Well, first, if you don't want him preaching his religion at your wedding, you really need to find someone who will do a nondenominational wedding ceremony for you. I have found quite a few in my area, so hopefully it will be easy for you. Obviously his brother is going to bring religion into your ceremony or not want to do your ceremony at all if it is not in a church and does not discuss god, since that is what he, as a minister, believes in. Just don't ask him to do the wedding ceremony, have him there as a guest and have someone do your ceremony the way you AND your fiance want it. Its that simple. You can't really force his brother to perform a ceremony he doesnt feel comfortable doing.
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By: pinkbec80

pinkbec80 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:32:59 +0000

Firstly to those that are being utterly rude (iloveweddings) she is asking for help she may not be able to get it anywhere else.

It sounds like your future hubbies brother is have a digg at you to your partner. He is pretty much trying to blame you that he doesn’t attend church anymore and the likes. I would take a new direction and ask a local minister or a civil celebrant to do your service. You do not need that kind of hostility while you are planning a wedding.
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i am planning a wedding atm

By: ?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:30:59 +0000

at teh end of the day it is your wedding, you need to do what make you adn your husband to be happy. the wedding is about you and really noone else. at teh end of the day it is only the two of you who are comming your lfes to one another and it has notheing to do with anyone else.

Everyone is entilieted to there opinon, but thats it, its just an opinon… let it go and do it your way!!!

you the one who will remeber it for the rest of your life.
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By: Skatin'

Skatin' — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:28:59 +0000

This is a conscientious minister. A responsible minister can’t just set aside his spiritual leadership just because his brother is marrying a girl that doesn’t like it. It would be the sign of a dishonest person who doesn’t do his job if he were willing to just appear and keep the religion out of the ceremony.

Many denominations require pre-marital counseling with their minister before being married in their church. It’s not just a setting, it’s not just a person to fill the slot in between the bride and groom to them to look right in your ceremony. By marrying you a minister is committing to the idea that it was performed in good faith, not for "show." You can’t ask a minister to show up and perform like a clown – and that seems to be your expectation.

It sounds like you need a civil ceremony. It would be meaningless for you to have a religious ceremony, and it’s insulting to the minister to ask that he put aside his beliefs (and pre-marital counseling is very common and held as a belief to create a strong, Christian marriage where the bride and groom will commit to bringing up any children they have as Christians) just because you’re paying him to perform a service.

If you don’t want Christian beliefs pushed on you, you should not be asking a Christian minister to marry you, period. It’s part and parcel of a Christian ceremony that the minister actually believe the people he is marrying see marriage as a holy sacrament.

I’m not even Christian and I’m offended by your attitude!
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