<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0"
	xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/"
	xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"
	xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom"
	xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/"
		>
<channel>
	<title>Comments on: Can Internet Counseling Help Save your Relationship?</title>
	<atom:link href="http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship</link>
	<description>..getting back together</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:21:59 -0500</lastBuildDate>
	<generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6</generator>
	<sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod>
	<sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency>
		<item>
		<title>By: Roger Lathbury</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-804</link>
		<dc:creator>Roger Lathbury</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:48:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-804</guid>
		<description>I&#039;ve heard that this is a difficult issue for couples; you&#039;re not the first person I know who had had the problem. The difference may be insoluable, but I can tell you, with fair certainty, that it is not because of any inadequacies in you, nor--hard as this may be to accept--is it because your partner does not love you.

Here is why I think men look at this stuff and women don&#039;t. Women are more powerful than men in psychosexual relations. If the woman has no desire for sex, the man can&#039;t force her, except in the most extreme and violent ways, which either constitute rape and/or an unsatisfactory experience for the man and woman. All of society tells a man that he is the leader, the macho one, the dominator; experience, on the other hand, proves it to be the contrary. That is ego-wounding.

Moreover, males can perform only three or four times a night, less as they grow older. Women, on the other hand, are capable of multiple orgasms. They are securer in sex than men are because they are controllers and self-sufficient ones at that.

Additionally, women are more delicately, finely tuned than men are. Sexual relations for women are more often (not always) allied with feelings of love and the heart for the other person. Men are quicker to arouse and can be less profoundly aroused than women are. Byron was right when he said, &quot;Man&#039;s love is of man&#039;s life a part; &#039;tis a woman&#039;s whole existence.&quot; (Byron was probably on the man&#039;s side, but that is irrelevant.)

Then, too, the penis is an independent organ, and operates almost without the will of the man. Its state of arousal or nonarousal is evident; it is there to be seen. The clitoris, on the other hand, is hidden (&quot;clitoris&quot; is Greek for &quot;secret&quot;). Thus the woman&#039;s arousal is hidden. Her feelings, her power is not evident. Feelings concealed are more potent and more under the control of the holder than feelings revealed. Score again for women.

This means that men, being weaker and feeling insecure, are more dominated by their fantasies than women are. Women&#039;s fantasies are not less potent, but they are more tempered by the social conventions and they are less explicitly expressed. Pornography is a crude and regressive release for the feelings and insecurities of an unadapted and not fully matured person. (These people are almost always male: few women like pornography. They find it boring or repellent or both, as many men come to find it).

His looking at this junk probably does not mean something personal in your connection to your boyfriend. No one can say for sure at a distance. You two have a child, however, and so since you, whoever you are, seem from your question like a sensible and well controlled woman, I thought I would write all this for your sake and your son&#039;s sake and your husband&#039;s/boyfriend&#039;s. It would help if he could manage not to look at what you find offensive, but perhaps, in line with a civilized and even ironic understanding, you might cut him a little slack without lying or denying your own feelings. I wouldn&#039;t be too open about this, though, since you don&#039;t want to give blanket permission (perhaps that goes without saying.)

Luck.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve heard that this is a difficult issue for couples; you&#8217;re not the first person I know who had had the problem. The difference may be insoluable, but I can tell you, with fair certainty, that it is not because of any inadequacies in you, nor&#8211;hard as this may be to accept&#8211;is it because your partner does not love you.</p>
<p>Here is why I think men look at this stuff and women don&#8217;t. Women are more powerful than men in psychosexual relations. If the woman has no desire for sex, the man can&#8217;t force her, except in the most extreme and violent ways, which either constitute rape and/or an unsatisfactory experience for the man and woman. All of society tells a man that he is the leader, the macho one, the dominator; experience, on the other hand, proves it to be the contrary. That is ego-wounding.</p>
<p>Moreover, males can perform only three or four times a night, less as they grow older. Women, on the other hand, are capable of multiple orgasms. They are securer in sex than men are because they are controllers and self-sufficient ones at that.</p>
<p>Additionally, women are more delicately, finely tuned than men are. Sexual relations for women are more often (not always) allied with feelings of love and the heart for the other person. Men are quicker to arouse and can be less profoundly aroused than women are. Byron was right when he said, &quot;Man&#8217;s love is of man&#8217;s life a part; &#8217;tis a woman&#8217;s whole existence.&quot; (Byron was probably on the man&#8217;s side, but that is irrelevant.)</p>
<p>Then, too, the penis is an independent organ, and operates almost without the will of the man. Its state of arousal or nonarousal is evident; it is there to be seen. The clitoris, on the other hand, is hidden (&quot;clitoris&quot; is Greek for &quot;secret&quot;). Thus the woman&#8217;s arousal is hidden. Her feelings, her power is not evident. Feelings concealed are more potent and more under the control of the holder than feelings revealed. Score again for women.</p>
<p>This means that men, being weaker and feeling insecure, are more dominated by their fantasies than women are. Women&#8217;s fantasies are not less potent, but they are more tempered by the social conventions and they are less explicitly expressed. Pornography is a crude and regressive release for the feelings and insecurities of an unadapted and not fully matured person. (These people are almost always male: few women like pornography. They find it boring or repellent or both, as many men come to find it).</p>
<p>His looking at this junk probably does not mean something personal in your connection to your boyfriend. No one can say for sure at a distance. You two have a child, however, and so since you, whoever you are, seem from your question like a sensible and well controlled woman, I thought I would write all this for your sake and your son&#8217;s sake and your husband&#8217;s/boyfriend&#8217;s. It would help if he could manage not to look at what you find offensive, but perhaps, in line with a civilized and even ironic understanding, you might cut him a little slack without lying or denying your own feelings. I wouldn&#8217;t be too open about this, though, since you don&#8217;t want to give blanket permission (perhaps that goes without saying.)</p>
<p>Luck.<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: Lance k</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-803</link>
		<dc:creator>Lance k</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:46:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-803</guid>
		<description>i think hes addicted to it or you like it and are just trying to get a reaction or maybe it reminds you of something bad either way he needs consoling.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>i think hes addicted to it or you like it and are just trying to get a reaction or maybe it reminds you of something bad either way he needs consoling.<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: TuuR</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-802</link>
		<dc:creator>TuuR</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:44:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-802</guid>
		<description>It may not have anything to do with u, looking at porn is a way of getting ur fixe without cheating on ur partner maybe he does&#039;nt find u atractive because ur pregnant, maybe he&#039;l stop when u give birth to his child...&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It may not have anything to do with u, looking at porn is a way of getting ur fixe without cheating on ur partner maybe he does&#8217;nt find u atractive because ur pregnant, maybe he&#8217;l stop when u give birth to his child&#8230;<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: Katie W</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-801</link>
		<dc:creator>Katie W</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:42:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-801</guid>
		<description>Denial of a problem is part of an addiction.

Most guys seem to love porn, but for some, it interferes with relationships and regular life.  If he lies about it and hides it, and denies any problem while it&#039;s causing trouble in the relationship, then that&#039;s a pretty good sign either that he&#039;s addicted, or he doesn&#039;t value you much.  Does he lie and hide anything else, or is the problem just the porn? That would narrow down which it is.

Just like any other addiction, you can&#039;t fix it for him.  If he were smoking and refused to stop for you, you can&#039;t make him stop -- he&#039;d still sneak it when you weren&#039;t looking .Or drinking. Or doing cocaine. Or compulsively watching porn.   I might suggest looking around your area for support groups for partners of addicts, such as COSA (specificially for people with partners with sex addictions) or Al-Anon (for people with partners and families and friends of alcoholics, but works for other addictions too).&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Denial of a problem is part of an addiction.</p>
<p>Most guys seem to love porn, but for some, it interferes with relationships and regular life.  If he lies about it and hides it, and denies any problem while it&#8217;s causing trouble in the relationship, then that&#8217;s a pretty good sign either that he&#8217;s addicted, or he doesn&#8217;t value you much.  Does he lie and hide anything else, or is the problem just the porn? That would narrow down which it is.</p>
<p>Just like any other addiction, you can&#8217;t fix it for him.  If he were smoking and refused to stop for you, you can&#8217;t make him stop &#8212; he&#8217;d still sneak it when you weren&#8217;t looking .Or drinking. Or doing cocaine. Or compulsively watching porn.   I might suggest looking around your area for support groups for partners of addicts, such as COSA (specificially for people with partners with sex addictions) or Al-Anon (for people with partners and families and friends of alcoholics, but works for other addictions too).<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: Luke</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-800</link>
		<dc:creator>Luke</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:40:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-800</guid>
		<description>I think he should stop looking at porn. Don&#039;t start thinking that because he looks at porn he doesn&#039;t love you anymore either. Some relationships work with porn others don&#039;t. Some accept it, others want it completely out of the relationship. 
If you don&#039;t like it because you don&#039;t like it, then he should stop for your sake, and the sake of the relationship (big fights could come). But, if you don&#039;t like it because you think it is harming the relationship, or his image of you, or whatever, the maybe you need to step back and discuss times when he can look at it. i mean, it might be you that has to accept it, because it is usually not a bad thing.




OMG Calm down please, i really feel for you but you have to be rational. You can&#039;t call of this relationship over this incident. Councelling, mediation, anything, please dont end the relationship. And remember, keep posting about how it goes, cos we are listening to you on ths one, and need to know how it pans out.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;btw, i dont look at porn, but have in the passed. It is not necessary!!!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I think he should stop looking at porn. Don&#8217;t start thinking that because he looks at porn he doesn&#8217;t love you anymore either. Some relationships work with porn others don&#8217;t. Some accept it, others want it completely out of the relationship.<br />
If you don&#8217;t like it because you don&#8217;t like it, then he should stop for your sake, and the sake of the relationship (big fights could come). But, if you don&#8217;t like it because you think it is harming the relationship, or his image of you, or whatever, the maybe you need to step back and discuss times when he can look at it. i mean, it might be you that has to accept it, because it is usually not a bad thing.</p>
<p>OMG Calm down please, i really feel for you but you have to be rational. You can&#8217;t call of this relationship over this incident. Councelling, mediation, anything, please dont end the relationship. And remember, keep posting about how it goes, cos we are listening to you on ths one, and need to know how it pans out.<br /><b>References : </b><br />btw, i dont look at porn, but have in the passed. It is not necessary!!!</p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: askance</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-799</link>
		<dc:creator>askance</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:38:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-799</guid>
		<description>it has got nothing to do with his love for you...or you not satisfying him sexually....its the basic nature of guys...they get sexual thoughts once every 8 seconds...and some feel an urge to view porn to vent their feelings...he will still love you...there is no question of mis-trust here...

instead of fighting...try talking to him calmly and try to indulge in sexual talks / foreplay on a daily basis so that he is not drawn towards porn...&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>it has got nothing to do with his love for you&#8230;or you not satisfying him sexually&#8230;.its the basic nature of guys&#8230;they get sexual thoughts once every 8 seconds&#8230;and some feel an urge to view porn to vent their feelings&#8230;he will still love you&#8230;there is no question of mis-trust here&#8230;</p>
<p>instead of fighting&#8230;try talking to him calmly and try to indulge in sexual talks / foreplay on a daily basis so that he is not drawn towards porn&#8230;<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: kathy_is_a_nurse</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-798</link>
		<dc:creator>kathy_is_a_nurse</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:36:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-798</guid>
		<description>While many men (and women) look at porn without harming their relationship, the fact that he does it KNOWING that it hurts you is more a sign of a problem, than the porn itself. The subterfuge and lying shows that he does not respect you... not the porn. Regardless of whether the porn is harmless or not, he does not respect you enough to stop, even though he knows that it hurts you. I would suggest the counseling from that perspective... Make the porn secondary. And you can also tell him... of course you don&#039;t trust him... he&#039;s lying to you and you have caught him in it. He now has to re-earn your trust.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>While many men (and women) look at porn without harming their relationship, the fact that he does it KNOWING that it hurts you is more a sign of a problem, than the porn itself. The subterfuge and lying shows that he does not respect you&#8230; not the porn. Regardless of whether the porn is harmless or not, he does not respect you enough to stop, even though he knows that it hurts you. I would suggest the counseling from that perspective&#8230; Make the porn secondary. And you can also tell him&#8230; of course you don&#8217;t trust him&#8230; he&#8217;s lying to you and you have caught him in it. He now has to re-earn your trust.<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: Mary G</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-797</link>
		<dc:creator>Mary G</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:34:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-797</guid>
		<description>This is a tough problem and a common one too.  It all comes down to respect.  He has to have respect for you and stop.  End of story.  If you smoked, he asked you to stop-you would do it, right?   How would he like it if you decided to start spending your family&#039;s money on porn for yourself?  How would he like it if you snuck off and looked at other men on the computer, taking time out from stuff you need to do?
Works both ways.  But you don&#039;t want to play games, you just want to be respected.  Looking at porn is a bachelor&#039;s past-time.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This is a tough problem and a common one too.  It all comes down to respect.  He has to have respect for you and stop.  End of story.  If you smoked, he asked you to stop-you would do it, right?   How would he like it if you decided to start spending your family&#8217;s money on porn for yourself?  How would he like it if you snuck off and looked at other men on the computer, taking time out from stuff you need to do?<br />
Works both ways.  But you don&#8217;t want to play games, you just want to be respected.  Looking at porn is a bachelor&#8217;s past-time.<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: maymay</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-796</link>
		<dc:creator>maymay</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:32:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-796</guid>
		<description>Although i hate to say this, it think you should kind of pretend to be oblivious about the porn for a while. With out even mention of porn, i think that you guys might want to get weekly couciling if you arent already. You are right in thinking that it would be more convenient and better if you stayed together for the sake of your son. But honestly, after a while if things are really not working, then even with your son, it isnt worth being miserable with someone you dont love. (if you do decide to break up it would be better i think to do it when your son is very, very little, and wont really remember it.) Parents splitting is scarring and makes children become adults before their time. 
I really hope things work out, i truly mean that. I wish the best. : )&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Although i hate to say this, it think you should kind of pretend to be oblivious about the porn for a while. With out even mention of porn, i think that you guys might want to get weekly couciling if you arent already. You are right in thinking that it would be more convenient and better if you stayed together for the sake of your son. But honestly, after a while if things are really not working, then even with your son, it isnt worth being miserable with someone you dont love. (if you do decide to break up it would be better i think to do it when your son is very, very little, and wont really remember it.) Parents splitting is scarring and makes children become adults before their time.<br />
I really hope things work out, i truly mean that. I wish the best. : )<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
	<item>
		<title>By: gobonzzo</title>
		<link>http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship/comment-page-1#comment-795</link>
		<dc:creator>gobonzzo</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:30:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.texasdivorce411.com/relationship-between/can-internet-counseling-help-save-your-relationship#comment-795</guid>
		<description>Give him all the live porn he can handle.  Get it right up into his face 24/7 and he won&#039;t have time or desire to bother with internet porn.  If you yell at him instead and cut back on sex for revenge then you are giving exactly the WRONG response, which is what women seem to do and then wonder why things get worse...duh duh duh.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;References : &lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Give him all the live porn he can handle.  Get it right up into his face 24/7 and he won&#8217;t have time or desire to bother with internet porn.  If you yell at him instead and cut back on sex for revenge then you are giving exactly the WRONG response, which is what women seem to do and then wonder why things get worse&#8230;duh duh duh.<br /><b>References : </b></p>
]]></content:encoded>
	</item>
</channel>
</rss>

