Here is why I think men look at this stuff and women don’t. Women are more powerful than men in psychosexual relations. If the woman has no desire for sex, the man can’t force her, except in the most extreme and violent ways, which either constitute rape and/or an unsatisfactory experience for the man and woman. All of society tells a man that he is the leader, the macho one, the dominator; experience, on the other hand, proves it to be the contrary. That is ego-wounding.

Moreover, males can perform only three or four times a night, less as they grow older. Women, on the other hand, are capable of multiple orgasms. They are securer in sex than men are because they are controllers and self-sufficient ones at that.

Additionally, women are more delicately, finely tuned than men are. Sexual relations for women are more often (not always) allied with feelings of love and the heart for the other person. Men are quicker to arouse and can be less profoundly aroused than women are. Byron was right when he said, "Man’s love is of man’s life a part; ’tis a woman’s whole existence." (Byron was probably on the man’s side, but that is irrelevant.)

Then, too, the penis is an independent organ, and operates almost without the will of the man. Its state of arousal or nonarousal is evident; it is there to be seen. The clitoris, on the other hand, is hidden ("clitoris" is Greek for "secret"). Thus the woman’s arousal is hidden. Her feelings, her power is not evident. Feelings concealed are more potent and more under the control of the holder than feelings revealed. Score again for women.

This means that men, being weaker and feeling insecure, are more dominated by their fantasies than women are. Women’s fantasies are not less potent, but they are more tempered by the social conventions and they are less explicitly expressed. Pornography is a crude and regressive release for the feelings and insecurities of an unadapted and not fully matured person. (These people are almost always male: few women like pornography. They find it boring or repellent or both, as many men come to find it).

His looking at this junk probably does not mean something personal in your connection to your boyfriend. No one can say for sure at a distance. You two have a child, however, and so since you, whoever you are, seem from your question like a sensible and well controlled woman, I thought I would write all this for your sake and your son’s sake and your husband’s/boyfriend’s. It would help if he could manage not to look at what you find offensive, but perhaps, in line with a civilized and even ironic understanding, you might cut him a little slack without lying or denying your own feelings. I wouldn’t be too open about this, though, since you don’t want to give blanket permission (perhaps that goes without saying.)

Luck.
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Most guys seem to love porn, but for some, it interferes with relationships and regular life. If he lies about it and hides it, and denies any problem while it’s causing trouble in the relationship, then that’s a pretty good sign either that he’s addicted, or he doesn’t value you much. Does he lie and hide anything else, or is the problem just the porn? That would narrow down which it is.

Just like any other addiction, you can’t fix it for him. If he were smoking and refused to stop for you, you can’t make him stop — he’d still sneak it when you weren’t looking .Or drinking. Or doing cocaine. Or compulsively watching porn. I might suggest looking around your area for support groups for partners of addicts, such as COSA (specificially for people with partners with sex addictions) or Al-Anon (for people with partners and families and friends of alcoholics, but works for other addictions too).
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OMG Calm down please, i really feel for you but you have to be rational. You can’t call of this relationship over this incident. Councelling, mediation, anything, please dont end the relationship. And remember, keep posting about how it goes, cos we are listening to you on ths one, and need to know how it pans out.
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btw, i dont look at porn, but have in the passed. It is not necessary!!!

instead of fighting…try talking to him calmly and try to indulge in sexual talks / foreplay on a daily basis so that he is not drawn towards porn…
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