Relationships

What Women Want: Guidelines to Live By in your Relationship

Several years ago I was sitting at the gossip table at a dinner party and as usual the conversation turned to relationships, as every girl tried to fluff up her love life so she could call bragging rights for the night; it seemed that each began to drift off and with the glazed, starry eyed look that betrayed their outer persona. It was obvious they were unfulfilled in their relationships and were imagining their dream guy, the ones they didn’t have. The one question that seemed to permeate through the air and was on every girls mind was “For god’s sake what do we women want in a man that makes him so hard to find?” Then like a shot in the arm as if from years of experience or perhaps trial and error a wise older woman (I’ll call her Melinda) gave a rather short answer that didn’t quite make sense to me until several years and quite a few relationships later. The answer was quite simple that it seemed to hit you like a brick wall; ladies want a MAN (yes a real man warrants caps). At first glance what comes to mind is the knight in shinning armor that every fluttering heart teenage girl dreams of; but upon further analysis and thought it’s not really a hero figure that women are looking for, its what the knight in shinning armor represents; stability, respect and someone you can look up to in your time of need.

A relationship is multi-faceted – physical, emotional and social; if it’s lacking in any one area it is bound to fail. If you’re great in one area and lacking in another; the deficient facets will begin to gnaw at the relationship until it eventually dissolves. Granted sex has a considerable part in a relationship; it is the epitome of the physical facet of the relationship. But, many guys attempt to raise the façade of great sex (as if they were the only one’s that could offer it) or the size of their member as the lynch pin that keeps a relationship going. If that’s what you believe; then I’ve got a golden colored bridge I’d love to sell ya! If you’re only contribution to the relationship is the 5″ friend between your legs; then you should be well aware that there is plastic out there that can keep going and going and going long after you’re fast asleep.

You’re probably asking yourself well, what exactly does Jackie mean by a MAN? If that’s what’s on your mind then at the very least I can honestly say your on the path to finding out what women want (can’t guarantee you’ll get there; but, I’ll do my best to get you there). Although many may argue that men and women are very much the same I would also argue that through history and genetics we are very similar but with completely different needs. Since the dawn of time men have been the protectors’ suppliers and women the nurturing mother, the soft heart and the caring touch. Notice the yin/yang relationship? One side compliments the other in every way; that is how nature works. Does this take away from either character? NO. Does that mean that women are not suppliers or protectors? NO. I am in no way stating that men are strong and women are weak and helpless. If that is your assertion; I would ask if you have ever seen a lioness in the wild protecting her cubs, there is absolutely nothing more furious. Obviously in this day and age the “hunter gather” role no longer applies in the economic and social sense; both sexes (for all intents and purposes) are equal; which is a great achievement on our part as human beings and a society. Does this mean that we can just forget the millions of years of evolution? I would say once again no; no matter how equal we become or how unisex life in the modern world becomes our physical, emotional and social needs are still fairly engrained in genetics. While the female executive may be strong and command authority in the workplace; I would highly doubt that after that one particularly rough day at work she doesn’t for even a single instant want to run home into the strong arms of her loving companion just for a hint of solitude or protection from the outside world. Does this make her any less of an equal, not a chance; it makes her human and a woman with human and womanly emotional needs.

Emotional needs have been stressed through the media as the key to a woman’s heart. Through society you may have been nurtured to believe that women want a sensitive and caring man. This statement is true to some extent, but not to the extent that some men have carried it to. We women do admire a sensitive and caring man; but, there is a fine line between sensitive and spineless. Most women want a man who is caring but when it comes down to it if he’s too in touch with his feelings to the point where they feel they are having a conversation with a girlfriend then he his sensitivity has gone too far. If women want that much sensitivity they can always turn to their girlfriends. Now don’t misunderstand my assertion, my statement above doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk. Jerks never get much. Again, please note the fine line between a MAN and a girlfriend or a MAN and jerk. A MAN must be sensitive and caring without overstepping the bounds of his masculinity. Women want to feel like they are with some one they can trust to protect them. If you’re the type of guy who is willing to sit with her and cry about every single girly moment that she would rather talk about with her girlfriend, I doubt she would feel comfortable with you. You have willingly stripped yourself of your masculinity and entered into the feminine realm. That’s her girlfriends role not yours. There is a fine line between what a lady looks for from her girlfriends and what she looks for in her MAN. As her MAN you should be there for her in those moments as well, but in a different capacity as her shelter from the world; her own rock in the craziness of the everyday hysteria we call life. This is just one of the major things I have heard from women with regard to the men they have had in their lives and why they are no longer there. In short they no longer felt like they were with a MAN, these men had relegated themselves to more of a buddy role. With the advent of the metro-sexual male in our society this has been a constant grievance amongst a lot of my lady friends; the men tend to worry more about their own eyebrows than their ladies do. When with her MAN a woman wants to feel feminine; if her MAN is as, or more feminine than she feels herself to be; then that is a relationship that is on the road to no where.

Respect is another factor in relationships that women not only want for themselves but want to have it for their MAN. I believe Aretha Franklin put it quite nicely; R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to your woman. A relationship without respect from both sides is one that is not built to last. A woman with no respect for the man she is with will never feel secure enough to allow herself to be fully his. Respect is the main thing a man must offer a woman and through his actions with her, he will earn hers in return. Respect is not something you receive by being chauvinistic and commanding; it is the one thing in a relationship that has to be earned. If you fulfill your role as a MAN as described above you should have no problem getting respect from your lady. As a word of warning though, I have seen and heard over and over tales of men letting their self respect be trampled upon by their lady and simply mistaking it for love or being a caring man If your opinion carries no weight with her then you definitely have no respect and no respect, no love. She inherently wants to give you respect but, ultimately it is your actions that either allow her to give it or take it away. One way (of many ways) to not lose respect in your relationship if you feel you are right, stand your ground. Giving in on every single aspect of the relationship makes you irrelevant and spineless. Time and again I’ve been in situations where I feel I am right and I argue, only for my significant other to stand his ground; it feels great to get some tension going in a relationship. I at least know that he has an opinion and that he is not willing to allow me to blindly ignore his opinion. It adds a certain unquantifiable dynamic to the relationship. Again, I am not saying that you stick your ground just to annoy or prove your manliness. Once you begin doing that you’re no more than a stubborn child who is not getting what he wants and again your respect has vanished. On the other hand, If you’re right and stick to your guns, on a subconscious and conscious level you display to her that you are confident and capable enough to stand up for her in her time of need. Respect like trust once lost it is extremely difficult to return.

Seeing beautiful ladies with not so aesthetically pleasing guys is not an uncommon occurrence. All things being equal I would say that women are not as superficial as men and that the fellow she is with fulfills something emotional and social for her in addition to the physical that no other man could offer; he has found a way to be her MAN. He has earned her respect, admiration and love; tough tasks to accomplish for sure, yet once the correct balance is struck between masculinity, security and respectability you are home free. We women may be emotional, irrational and down right unpredictable in our choices but once we believe you’re capable and deserving of our emotions you will get one hundred fold of what you give in return and it can be pure bliss for both yourself and her. Obviously relationships are complex and no one will have all of the answers; the dependencies are incredibly complex on you, the lady you’re with, her past, the impression you’ve left upon her and her views on life in general. The examples I gave above are specific to many instances I have heard over the years from other ladies searching for their MAN, there are many others like them but the main point remains the same. Find what works for you in your particular relationship. As Melinda stated so many years ago at the dinner party; women are searching for a MAN, fulfill her physical, emotional and social needs (as well as expect that in return) and you’re on your way. Hopefully, Melinda’s words of wisdom that only began to make sense to me year’s later start you on a clear path to an exciting relationship that goes way beyond your combined wildest imaginations.

Jackie O.
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